Hello it's City.
It's been months since I've been gone, and since I've been thinking about what happened, which I reflected on. And I'd like to be clear that I wasn't able to access this account for months, even if I wanted to, as I made a promise to my family member to not use it again, due to my declining mental health.
They wanted me to focus more in my life and focus on said 'important things'.
I tried accepting with what they wanted me to pursue, which is the best for me. But I couldn't just leave without stating what happened. I wanted to explain my side. I really wanted too, hence why I urged the courage to talk to my family member, so they'd let me explain (which gladly happened, because I got high grades).
My disappearance is all due to what happened at night. 1am to 3am, I forgot but it's on that range. I've been checking my messages on Instagram that day, checking if I've replied to people or not. And then I've had someone (I'm not stating names) asking whether or not I've 'copied' their certain work'. I went on a call with them, since I thought it'll be just quick, since it's literally 1am and I'm exhausted, and I wanted to fix things, but no.
And that was my mistake, because guess what happens when you're exhausted af and someone keeps rambling in your mind, hearing their very voice and how they deliver it. Well, it fucks up your system and you start to have a break down.
I had a breakdown at that time, because I couldn't process everything in my mind. Especially when that certain person doesn't believe in you. Again, before I could continue, I would like to repeat that I want to speak up for myself, because I could not stay silent up until this day, okay?
I've listened to your rants. I've listened to them, even if you kept repeating them. Forcing everything, that you are right, even if you are not. And what even fucked my system up is when you kept comparing me to a person, that I don't even know personally +I even disliked what they've done to the other writer. At that time, I thought to myself that, "chill, City, just listen cause you don't want to invalidate other people's feelings".
I want full context of what was happening. And then, you kept on mentioning other writers that I know and look highly above. And that added once again in mind, which I couldn't erase, because at that time, I kept overthinking about what other people think of me, which was freaking naive of me (because that could be your downfall, thinking about what other people think of you, when you know that there are no perfect human beings out there and they make mistakes).
And when the conversation kept going on, that's when I realized that there's no point in talking to someone who won't listen, and can't wait for your very response. I couldn't talk at that point because there's A LOT in my head, other than what you're saying because you're asking about what BAD IS LUXURY all about and how I wrote it (the storyline and everything).
I couldn't talk because the reason for me writing that book, mentally scarred me. And talking deeply into those things, just added more, and just brought back unwanted thoughts in my mind that very night.
And I am sorry about that, about that certain breakdown.
But I still can't process why you called me names. Of "liar" and "weirdo".
I tried joking at that time just to lighten up things, because I don't want you feeling completely stressed.
Now, since I want to clear up things for my books, since I don't want more drama about them, here are the following reasons and inspirations, okay?
