No More Illusions (Loki One-shot)

1

You're not.

The words had not left his mind. They were ringing in his ear, relentlessly reminding him of how he had failed his mother with only two words. She, the woman who had raised him with the same care she would have bestowed if he were her true son. And yet, despite everything she had done for him, he had dared to hurt her so. The moment those two words had left his mouth he was filled with the bitter tang of regret. The shame took its place and burrowed in his stomach. It made him feel sick. The rest of the day was nothing short of eventful either. 

There had been a prison break. A being called Kurse had escaped and released a great many other prisoners from their captivity. That had led to a riot of which Loki found considerably unentertaining. Although, of course, when it had been his turn to be freed at last, Kurse had second thoughts and reconsidered that course. Loki decided he had to do his part to cause whatever mischief he could from prison, and told Kurse it would be wise to take the stairs to the left. He assumed that those beings would be led to Thor who would predictably swing Mjolnir around and put them in their place. 

Little did he know that choice would haunt him for the rest of his life.

It had been over a week since Frigga had last come to visit. She had come every few days since the beginning of his sentence exactly one year ago. Loki concluded that she must not want to see him anymore. Which he understood, and did not blame her for, but he could not help the feeling of betrayal that came along. He knew he only had himself to blame, but that wouldn't stop him from making things worse for everyone else if given the chance. 

Footsteps marched toward the cell in careful, stern strides. A guard stood a fair distance away from the cell and stood there for a moment. Just watching. He then walked up to the golden barrier. Loki turned his head to let him know that he would listen to whatever news there was. He knew it could not be good if they felt even he needed to know.

"The Queen, All-Mother has fallen by the hands of Kurse," the guard informed then turned to leave after receiving a small and emotionless nod from Loki.

Loki slowly stood up from his seat and walked towards the middle of his cell. He was angry. With fists tightly clenched, he let out a blast of green, seething fire that shook his whole room and everything in it was either sent flying or torn apart. Immediately after that outburst, he created an illusion that made everything, along with himself, appear normal. Things were only going to get worse from this point, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to control his emotions, so he made sure no one would see. Loki felt this pain so vividly. He could only think of how he contributed to her death. I told them where to go. He couldn't breathe.  I caused this. It was all too much.  His entire world came crashing down on him. Reality hit him like a brick of uru and he knew there was nothing he could ever do to make things right. Loki broke down, screaming appalling things, and completely destroying everything he could. It was awful, but he did not know how else to express all he felt.

Thor had been grieving every second as well. He put on a strong, unbreakable face for her funeral, but on that same night he had not been able to sleep. Instead, he had spent the night recalling fond memories of her. His heart ached more than he could ever show. There was consolation though, for she had died an honorable death, protecting his love, and for that he was grateful, yet, of course, he wished such a price did not have to be paid. Thor had not been acting like himself. The usually thunderous thunderer was acting quiet and did not spend as much time with his friends as he usually did. He wanted to mourn alone. Thor was aware of what he was seen as and did not want to make anyone believe he was weak, especially when so many needed someone to look up to after the death of their Queen. While there was already so much on his mind, he also worried for his brother. He had not been allowed, nor did he want to visit Loki after the violent pandemonium he had caused on Midgard. But now that Frigga was gone, and despite all he had to put up with because of Loki... he knew that he had to visit him. Loki had always loved their mother, and Thor knew he would not be coping very well.