Dear Baby

Doctor,Who?

I stare out of the hospital window and wonder "how did I end up here ?". Last week at this time I was on a beach drunk and making bad life choices like there is no tomorrow, which seemed fun, at least at that time. Now it just feels like it was a waste of precious enjoyment time spent in a trance. I see a friendly-looking receptionist looking at me with concern which reminds me of soo many looks I have gotten over the years like when I told my parents that I do not wish to ever settle in one place and want to be a world traveler or when I told them I failed in a math test, both had the same impact on them, actually I think the latter affected them the most. Or when I got caught smoking a cigarette when I was just 14 years old. Or when my parents were called to the principal's office because I was being suspended for being too violent with the other kids and breaking one kid's nose. Well, he was a wuss. It was bleeding very little. And this is a never-ending list. If I had a penny for every time I disappointed someone I wouldn't be a disappointment anymore.

The concerned receptionist asked me to proceed into the doctor's office and got scared when I was getting up. Everybody around me gasped as I stood up. That's when I realized I forgot about the baby in my hands. I tried holding him but I was too inexperienced to pull that off so the sweet receptionist took him from my hands and led me into the doctor's office. The doctor recognizes me immediately and starts to take out his notepad to write me a fake note. But stops when he sees a kid in his receptionist's arms and looks at her puzzled. She just shrugged and carefully put him in my clumsy hands after I took my seat and left, closing the door behind her.

I take a deep breath, taking in the familiar surroundings, the smell of smoke and medicine in a nauseating twist filling my nostril. I turn to see the old and battered teddy on the desk, an alarm clock which always reads 9:00 ever since I saw it 4 years ago. I see the unkempt bed I passed out on when I came in for a note. I see the cabinet of medicines, from which I tried stealing and got caught miserably, I mean who would believe me if I said that my boobs are just two cylindrical-shaped objects which rattle when you move. I look at the dreaded weighing machine wishing every time that it somehow stops working so that I can continue to live in denial. I see the ashes on the wall for when this doctor made me waste more than half of a cigarette because we supposedly "shouldn't" smoke in front of the doctor. I mean it's not like it's a secret, one look at me or one minute with me in the room you will realize that I smoke too much for my good.

The doctor clears his throat, breaking the silence. I look at him taking a break and see him looking at me puzzled. I tried to find words to explain the baby and the reason but I just sat there trying to find the right words. He asked, "Hey! How are you ? Long time no see? Just because you graduated doesn't mean you forget your doctor. I mean people thought you were doing an internship here based on how many times you came in a week". I just smiled politely at his weak attempt at humor and just to make him feel better I said "How can you say that how will I forget " in what I thought was a sincere voice but it sounded sarcastic but hey who cares? I came here with a problem and looked at the innocent baby now playing with the buttons on my shirt. I turn to the doctor and said " Look, he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday and he puked the little milk he drank. What should I do ?". The doctor raised an eyebrow noting the fact that I still haven't acknowledged the elephant in the room and said "What did you try to feed? How old is he? Is he still being fed by the mother or did he start formula? Did he eat too many sweets or anything? And is he introduced to normal foods but mashed? And has he ever taken any medicines? Did he get vaccinated in the last 1 week? Did he- " I look at him startled. The look on my face stopped him in his tracks and he waited for me to answer.

I took a gulp and took a deep breath of the filthy air and said "I don't know" and just stared at the floor embarrassed. He just took off his glasses and said very patiently "Which part?". I shrugged and said "All". He had an exasperated look on his face when he said "Okay one question at a time, How old is he?" I looked at him blankly and said, " I guess more than 1 year?". "Are you asking me or telling?" he said suddenly amused at my state. "Telling you?" I said now bright red because of how clueless I am. He just got up and took the baby out of my hands, examined his eyes and body, and said "Who put the diaper?". I stood up to examine why and said "Well, it was yours truly", gesturing towards myself and smiling proudly. What? It was a proud moment for me until he very rudely burst my bubble by laughing out loud. He laughed for a good minute and tried stopping when he saw my angry face looking at him. He wouldn't want me getting angry. So he tried stopping and said, "Well, I am just amused at the fact that someone can put a diaper on the wrong".I folded my arms and said defensively "It was the first time and I thought I did well". He just looked at me with a glint in his eyes and his face becoming quite red with him trying to stop his laughter and said "I mean you did a good job, just try to put it on without it being inside out." I turned crimson red and just stared at the diaper and saw the design and cute teddy bears were nowhere to be seen and when I turned an end to check there they were hiding away on the wrong side.

After I was embarrassed at the hospital, we reach home I reach into my jeans dig my keys out of the garbage in my pants take the prescription and walk out of the car cross-checking the contents. I reach the elevator at my crappy apartment and wait for it to come down when I realize something feels off. My hands feel light and free after soo long. I stood there wondering for a moment until I realized that I fucking forgot the damn baby. I walk back frustrated and muttering to myself " This shit is too much for me I am the least maternal person I know and I am a fucking kid myself and kick the air because what can I kick without hurting myself and went  to retrieve the crying baby. I talk to him like he can understand " Geez, you don't have to be soo dramatic I was gone for what? 1 minute and you raise all hell, damn man take a  chill pill." I have to get rid of this baby. I didn't realize diapers were soo costly like isn't it a basic necessity like pads and tampons which is a whole other thing that can get me easily riled up. I hate our world. Wow, I sound soo much like a teenager going through the dark phase in life. Maybe I just never come out of the "goth" phase. That would explain a lot of things. At least to my mother. 

I walk again towards the elevator now with the baby and prescription and my noisy brain just racing to random and unrelated topics. Oh and by the way when I say "get rid of" I don't mean kill or leave it or something. I am too much of a wuss to do either. I meant giving it back to the rightful owners. But that's where the whole problem lies. The only person who knows who they are is a baby who can't even poop without a diaper. What the hell am I gonna do? I reach home and dig through my pants and open the door thinking to myself " I really should wash these jeans one of these days" and enter to look at the apartment look rampaged. I know it isn't a good neighbourhood so I have 3 locks on the door and lock even the windows. The apartment is a mess, I mean messier than usual. My laptop lying on the table and the TV is intact in its place. I run towards my jewellery box to find the only two pieces of jewellery I have. One an old bracelet which belongs to my mother and a ring which looks weird and will somehow hopefully lead me to the kid's parents. Both are still safe. I look around the room and see all the valuables like my family's silver and the inherited gold just thrown on the floor in plain sight still intact. I sigh a breath of relief.

But why? Why would they painstakingly break into a well-locked house and not steal anything valuable? Did they put cameras in the house or anything? Are the robbers just creeps or? I picked up my phone from my never-ending pockets to call the police just in case, and see a message from a hidden number that consists of a picture of my apartment and said" better not report or else " and that's it. My phone slips out of my hand and falls on the filthy ground with a dull thud. I pick up the baby from the stroller and hold him close. I put him on my knees and lean back onto the surprisingly cold wall, or am I suddenly hot? And think to myself  "What?". I kept whispering to myself "What?What?What?...".

Welllll, it's my first actual book so please feel free to comment on things you felt need improvement or u know... So I hope you liked it...If you did please star the chapter it'll make my day. Thank you