You've Changed

Chapter 1

I hate him. The way that Obi-Wan hated Darth Vader, that's how I hate him. No, maybe closer to how Dumbledore hated Grindlewald—that feels like a more accurate representation. Though, Gellert Grindlewald was sly and had a silver tongue, and Eli can no longer string two words together without it being an insult. He was smart at one time, but his brain is fried from either the hair dye or the cocaine I'm not sure. Even when he first changed, I defended him and rest assured that he would snap out of whatever phase he was in, but I have enough self respect to realize when I deserve better. Once the bullying began, I knew I deserved better. Name calling is one thing but Eli became physical, in fact he still is. My eye is still getting over a shiner he left behind a week ago, and my arm still clicks from when he broke it a few months back.

The physicality started around the same time as the cocaine, but it could be a coincidence. Even so, it's easier to blame the drugs. The night he first swung at me was the night I walked in on him cutting a line in Yasmine's bathroom, so the timeline makes sense. I was so mad. I started yelling right then, in front of Kyler and Brucks, which was the worst thing I could have done. The night is mostly blurry, but I remember someone saying something along the lines of "are you going to let him talk to you like that" moments before I was pushed to the ground. That's the only clear part, Eli standing over me with his shoulders squared. Crying was always more of Eli's thing, but I cried harder than I can ever remember that night. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I sobbed uncontrollably.

"You good?" Miguel forced my attention back to him, making me remember where I was. I don't know how long I had been staring at Eli, but not long enough for that group to notice.

"Better than ever." I lied, then began to ramble until I think Miguel regretted asking.

About halfway through my ramble about binge watching a movie series the night before, Eli and Kyler loudly got up from their lunch table and were laughing as the headed off in a familiar direction. Before we had completely fallen out I had followed him one time, and I caught him snorting coke for the second time. That's what they were doing now. The look on Eli's face gave it away—giddiness that he tried to cover. He used to get giddy over going to the comic store with me, not from lines. I hated him, I knew I did, but it was still hard to not see the kid he once was sometimes. Whenever I see him walking off with one or two people and his eyes light up like that, I remember when his hair was blond and we would spend almost every night together.

Sam caught it too, I think. She knew him far longer than Miguel had, even if it was barely, and remembered when he was normal. Not only that, but she seemed to be the only other one who knew what that look meant. I think girls are more observant, and that's just a fact of life.

The bell rang and lunch was over.

***

"Stop it!" I begged him. He wasn't going to. I don't know why I would ask him to stop because I always knew he wouldn't.

"Can't take any more, pussy?" He asked, slamming me against the lockers. I avoided eye contact, but I knew the look he was giving me. I knew his jaw was set, his eyes were glowing with a goal in mind, and his lips were thin. Not wanting to see this, I looked at the tiled floor and silently prayed he would stop. "You're pissing me off!" Eli roared, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and dragging me to a familiar direction. I tried to pull away in some kind of protest, but he tightened his grip and pulled me harder.

Throwing me down in the stall, I tried to push myself away from the toilet, but he roughly grabbed my hair and slammed my face in. I hadn't had a chance to suck in air before he had done it. I had no air. In a panic, I grabbed at the bowl and then at Eli's leg, but that made him angrier and he dunked my head further in. The first flush forced water down my airway, filling my lungs, and my body naturally tried to cough but that just forced more water down. Desperately, I tried to tap at his leg again, but it had already been over two minutes and my head was woozy. I remember reaching for his leg, but I don't think I ever managed to get there.

Eli! After searching for him for an hour, I found him by his cries. They could be heard from outside the bathroom. When I had opened the door, I saw his legs poking out from under a stall. Swinging the door open, I saw him, lying on the floor with his face buried in his hands, covered in toilet water. His cries were so loud. They burned in the back of my head, like scars that occasionally ached.

"Eli." My instinct was to touch him, but he hated to be touched unexpectedly. I poked him, letting him know I was there.

Removing a hand from his face, he looked at me to check who I was. The redness of his eyes made the blue more pronounced. "Demetri?" He asked, as if I was some hallucination and he had to make sure I was real. Without much warning, he flung himself onto me and wrapped his arms around my waist, tighter than he ever had. At first I didn't react. Then I did. I held him tighter than I had ever held anyone, not even stopping to think about the wetness or how his drenched hair was brushing up against my cheek. Normally, I would have been disgusted, but I wasn't. He was so much smaller than me. "I-I hate middle school." He cried, and I held him knowing that it was only the first day—knowing that every day after would probably be similar.

The room was quiet after that, just his sobs against my shoulder to echo off of the walls.

"Is he breathing?"

"I think he's dead."

"He's not dead! Wake up, fucking loser!" Eli's voice said. My eyelids were heavy. I just wanted to continue dreaming. Those dreams were my favorite.

"Let's leave him."

"There's no cameras. No proof you did it."

"Wake up!" He yelled, angrily not with fear, and I felt a blow to my side. Conscious enough to, I grabbed my side and groaned. "He's fine."

"Let's go."

"Eli." I heard myself groan. Why did I say that? Was I trying to get my ass kicked worse than it already was?

"He's calling out for his boyfriend. The little—"

"It's 'Hawk'." Eli interrupted, lifting me off the ground by my collar before throwing me back down. I heard them walk off, that's when my body unloaded all of the water it took in and I was coughing onto the tiled floor. My gym clothes were soaked, but I was too tired to care about anything. Instead, I collapsed into the water.