After the Fireworks Die Out

The Emptyness From Yesterday

It's strange how alone you can feel in a crowd. The music was blaring, bodies were writhing against each other, everyone was laughing, dancing, having fun. I was one of them for a little bit. The ball dropped. Everyone started whooping. I looked over and saw flashes of colorful light illuminate the small shadows of the room. When I turned back, everyone was kissing their partners. I didn't have one. I still have no idea if I was truly the only single one there. I didn't care. It was a party. I was with my friends. That's magical. They made me feel like I belonged, even though this setting isn't usually my kind of place. But, when the first member left for the night, I immediately felt dread. When I'm with people I love, I always forget that happiness doesn't last until someone leaves. Slowly, throughout the night, random partygoers left, then each of my friends left. I clung on for as long as I could. But eventually, I too had to leave.
I left that night just after the sun started coming up. I walked home with all those inspirational "this is our year" commercials dancing in my head, and fireworks still being set off by different homes. This town loves its fireworks. They would celebrate like this every holiday if they could. When I entered my house, the sun couldn't brighten up enough of the place to make it feel welcoming. I went back to my room.
I don't remember when I passed out. Probably right when I hit the bed. I'm awake now, in the same clothes I had worn yesterday. It's almost midnight again. New Year's Day will be over soon. The fireworks have still been going off every once in a while. Mostly just leftovers from last night. The only light source to brighten up the emptiness of my house. I have my computer on, been watching YouTube to distract myself. But, the light from the monitor can't penetrate an inch through the inky blackness of being alone. Another inspirational "this is our year" type commercial pops up in the middle of my video. I pause the ad as I get lost in my own thoughts. Soon, it will be midnight. The first day of the new year will have passed. But, realistically, what will change? When the house is dark, after the Fireworks die out, I'm left alone with my thoughts. Just like every other night. How can anything improve? Pompous advertisements from people who have their lives together make it sound so simple and easy. Hooray, the number has changed, that'll make everything magically better! I will get an opportunity to turn my life around! Those people are happy, even without crowds.
Though I guess statistically, that's true. A year is a long time. A lot can happen in one day, let alone 365 of them. There is every possibility things could get better, just as much as they could get worse. It's just hard to see the good when you're sitting in darkness. I don't know if it's possible to force yourself to look on the bright side and believe it's actually there, but I can try. What have I got to lose? Here's to 2022.