About Today

Jonathan Crane on Amber Connery

 Jonathan Crane had been in love with Amber since he had been fifteen. If he was being honest with himself, which he would admit he wasn't always, he hadn't meant to love her. He hadn't even meant to be her friend. Yet somehow she wove her way into his life and stayed rooted there. Even after they had graduated and he had made his way to Gotham while she had gone to school in Virginia, she plagued his thoughts, his mind. A red-haired girl brought his greatest weapon down. There had been only one other woman he had been with in the time after Amber. She had been a redhead, like Amber. Even when she had been gone, she was still such a fixture in his life. He never did tell Amber about Robyn.

Jonathan knew he was a man that didn't love; Robyn could attest to that. He wasn't even sure he knew how to do it properly. He had no friends in Gotham, and he was fine with that. He didn't need anyone. Jonathan had always been a solitary man, even before Amber. She had been the only person to take root in his life, and he had let it. It had been so unlike him to allow her to stay in his life. No, Jonathan was not a man who loved anything, except fear. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself of. When he told Amber he loved her, it was meant to manipulate her. He never actually meant to mean it.

When Amber had come back, he wanted to hate her. He wanted to hate her because he knew when he saw her red hair and hazel eyes, she would have him. She would have him, and she wouldn't even know how much. Their little meeting at the coffee shop told him she loved him too, even if she wouldn't say it. He knew it; he'd been a psychologist for years, he could see the signs. He wasn't stupid. She loved him, even if she wouldn't admit it to herself.

He had wanted to kiss her in that coffee shop.

Fear had always taken precedent over his life. When Amber came back, he had to force himself to keep his thoughts to it. He loved Amber so much, yet he couldn't let his love for her hold back his experiments.

He truly hadn't known Amber had been in the Narrows. Had he known Amber would have come looking for him, he would never have released his toxin. But he hadn't known until after he had been arrested. Jonathan had never hated himself, but when he had heard that Amber had been there, he had never hated himself more. He could have killed her. He could have killed her. It would have been his fault she died.

He never would have forgiven himself if that had happened.

In the year that followed, Amber only came a few times until Strange banned her from seeing him and everyone else in the asylum. The others taunted him. It wasn't news to hear that Amber was dating someone new. Edward Nigma, a complete and utter narcissist who had been coming to see him. He had held a grudging respect for the man until he had learned of his relationship with Amber. He hated Nigma for that.

Sometimes, in the quiet of his cell, he thought about what might have happened if he had asked Amber to marry him. What might have happened if he had given up his obsession (because it was an obsession) with fear.

Then one day, a girl with blonde and blue hair calling herself Katie had come to him, asking about Hugo Strange. Jonathan had never been fond of children or teenagers, but Katie had been polite. She had not made rude remarks or assumptions. He would never admit it, but he thought that if Katie had come to see him again, he wouldn't have minded.

He had heard the rumors about the girl, though. Roman Sionis was not a nice man. He wondered how a girl like Katie got stuck with a man like Sionis.

That day after Katie left, he thought about having children with Amber. Highly unlikely, but the thought still crossed his mind.

The second time he had entered Amber's apartment after breaking out of the asylum, it was because of a woman claiming to be Amber's friend. Her name was Zoey Brooks, a gothic woman with a rather interesting story. He hadn't even had to threaten her very much. Amber had come in, obviously upset about something. He hadn't expected her to open up to him. Not about a man named Sam, not about Zoey, and certainly not about Katie. He hadn't even known she knew the sweet girl. She had broken down when he told her he was sure Katie was being abused. Jonathan knew he was a cold-hearted man, but the abuse of a child was not something that he would condone. Never. Jonathan would never hurt a child.

That night together may have been the best he'd ever shared with another person.

It was all the nights after that which were some of the worst. He'd ruined his relationship with Amber in too many ways. He'd ruined her in so many ways. Nigma, after their arrest, told him Amber had ended their relationship because she'd cheated on him. Jonathan knew that had been with him. He'd hurt her in so many ways.

Then Zoey Brooks had been murdered. Jonathan couldn't imagine what that could have done to Amber. How that must have hurt her even more than she was. Gotham ruined her.

He ruined her.

How he wishes she had never found him again.

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A/N: The title comes from the song of the same name from The National. That song has already inspired a lot of ideas for this one shot book. More will come with more characters being introduced. Also, I have no idea when and how often I'll post in this one. I'm already behind on all the other ones, so this will take a backseat for the main series and my other stories.

I suppose if anyone has a request or something they'd like to see, I can try to write it.