It Was Never About You

1-Introduction

Elliot's pov

It was 6 in the morning and I woke up to make myself a cup of coffee while the sun was still hidden.

While reading a book in my living room, I got a phone call from my mom. I tried to ignore it but it kept ringing making me want to tear my hair off.

'What does she want' I said annoyed. I answered.

After 25 minutes of her asking me how I'm doing and if I'm eating well, I hung up. I couldn't take it anymore, her voice made me irrationally angry.

I stood up and looked outside the window. It was snowing and according to the radio, it was going to be one of the hardest winters in the last few years. I went upstairs, took a shower, put on some black jeans, a shirt, and my coat, and went outside to go buy myself some cigarettes.

I loved walking outside while everyone was still asleep early in the morning. It's quiet, dark, and relaxing.

After smoking for a few minutes, I came back home to take my things and drove to college.

As I entered my psychology class, I noticed a girl sleeping next to the place I normally sit.

As I sat down, I made sure to make as much noise as possible. The last thing I need today is some brat asking me to borrow my notes 'cause she slept during half the class.

15 minutes in and she didn't wake up. I nudged her and told her jokingly to stop sleeping before I throw something at her .

'What do you want?'She asked half asleep.

'For you to wake up? Didn't I make that clear?' I said while smiling to make it sound less rude.

She didn't respond and simply went back to sleep.

'That's what I get for trying to be nice'I thought angrily.

At the end of the class, the girl beside me told me to wait.

'Sorry for what I said, I'm not mean like that I promise haha...Uhm anyways here's my number-' She said.

'I don't want it, go fuck yourself said.

As I was leaving, another girl came up to me and told me that what I said was mean.

I was also going to tell her to go fuck herself before I realized who she was.

Her name was Sophia, the girl my friend Erik has a crush on.

As soon as I recognized her, I started smiling and (pretended to) stutter.

'S-sorry, you're right that was mean of me. I just..you know...I was tired and well-It's just that my girlfriend gets pretty jealous easily and I don't want her to get mad at me. Hopefully you understand? No bad intentions here.

It took everything within me to smile while saying that.

She didn't buy what I was saying.

'Since when do you have a girlfriend?'

'That's private Sophi!'I said trying to appear flustered. 'Anyways, I have another class, sorry about that you too!'

Fuck I messed up. Hopefully, she won't tell anything to anyone.

One might ask why I pretend to be someone I'm not. Well, the answer's easy, no one would do anything for me if they knew the real me. Now, of course, everyone hides who they truly are to some extent, but few are doing it to the level I am.

I hate everyone around me. The only reason I'm friends with the people I'm friends with is that they either have good grades (therefore giving me help before exams and group projects) or because they're popular (therefore giving me access to a lot of people to potentially use in the future). I remember never showing my true intentions since I was young. The kids around me always got excited over the dumbest shit. And ever since I can remember, It always fucking annoyed me. Crying, screaming, all that emotional stuff annoys me. Whenever someone cries, I just want to jump off a roof or tell them to shut the fuck and get over it( in my head of course). I never-and will probably never- understand how people can feel things so intensely. Aside from anger, I barely feel anything.

I've had different personalities over the years. I tried the bad boy/bully one, but it only got me hated by a bunch of people. Couldn't even get girls to like me (but that probably had more to do with my not-so-attractive face at the time). I tried being the mysterious guy that no one knows anything about but no one ever gave me attention and it was kind of hard making friends when you're trying to keep any detail about yourself secret. And if you don't have any friends, that means you don't have anyone making sure you get out of trouble, anyone doing work for you, etc.

I'll save you the details but in the end, I found that the innocent/naive persona is the way to go.

People always think you're never in the wrong and if you are, it's never your fault. All I have to do is start tearing up and I'll make anyone feel guilty about not doing something for me. Once, I asked a guy to help me with my science lab (helping as in give me the answers and do the hardest part for me please) and he denied, so I made sure to talk as loud as possible when I said:

'Sure, it's fine if you don't want to help me understand the lab, I just thought it would be nice if you could simply take 5 min. to explain it to me but sure yeah it's fine (I gave him the biggest doe-eyed look while saying it)

Hearing this, the whole class started to push him to help me (also got a few other people coming to help) because I had the reputation of being a nice guy.

Girls also love corrupting me.

But coming back to the incident. Like I said, I was fucked. If she said anything to anyone, my reputation is over. No one will believe the other girl that's fine, I'll just make up a lie about her wanting to fuck me and getting angry over me refusing but I don't know about Sofia. She's pretty known and everyone loves her.