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I took a seat in front of the monitor. If I said I wasn't scared, I'd be lying. I was terrified I'd start playing Sam's recording and I'd watch her grow old like I had seen Harper and Monty. I couldn't bear the thought of finishing the video and knowing she'd be dead.
The tears already filled my eyes and I hadn't even pressed play.
What would I do if she were gone? What about Lila? And Roan? And Murphy and Raven? I couldn't wake them up to those news. I prayed for something that seemed impossible. I prayed that Sam had gone into cryo in a nameless bed. I prayed she was still alive somewhere on the ship. And even if it sounded selfish, I prayed she'd be young. We had so much to live. She had so much to live. I'd hate knowing she had spent her youth doing the unattainable in the ship on her own.
Please, Sam...
The Flame.
The thought crossed my mind interrupting the previous one. My stomach turned upside down at the thought of finding the Flame somewhere... in Sam's lifeless body. No, I couldn't think like that.
I shook my head to get rid of those images and closed my eyes for a second.
Please, Sam, my love, just tell me where you are and I'll come find you.
I opened my eyes again, and took a deep breath.
Please Sam... If I can ask anything of the universe, I want Sam... I need her to be alive and young. I need her. We need her.
I pressed play.
"Maybe if I stop crying one of these days," Sam sniffled, her head hung low so I couldn't see her face. "I'll find the right words... Bellamy, I..." Sam rubbed her nose, looking up. I knew she was trying her hardest not to cry and it was breaking my heart. "Monty's dead. Tho I'm sure you already know that. He didn't suffer."
Sam licked her lips, catching a tear running down her cheek with her finger. She finally faced the camera. My chest eased with relief as I saw her. The same face I had seen when I went into cryo. The same face I had seen so many times in my dreams in the Ring. Slightly older than the face I had woken up to so many days on Earth. That had to mean something.
"He went to sleep yesterday and... and he..." She looked down. "He's with Harper and Jasper now, Bell. It's okay."
"My love, where are you?"
I desperately wanted to find her, hug her, ease her pain... I wanted to hold her and kiss her head, take her in my arms and rock us from side to side, allowing her to cry in my arms. And knowing all that had happened... 75 years ago.
