"You will never amount to anything! You're worthless! You fucking piece of shit!"
"Stop... please."
"Why? Why should I do anything for you? HE is gone because of you! I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance."
Please. It's not my fault. I didn't mean to-
The infuriating sound of cars honking awoke with a small gasp. The same event haunts me each night. Over and over again without fail.
The cold air caressed my legs, sending a shiver down my spine. The sun rising provided little light for my eyes as they adjusted to my surroundings. I laid in the same alleyway I have been sleeping in for a month now. Only an old blanket I had found at the park, as well as the same clothes on my back, to my name.
Bringing myself into a sitting position took every ounce of strength I had left in me. For the past week I have been begging on the streets for food or waiting for restaurants to dump out the remaining food they had left over from that night. My stomach turned with every movement I made, feeling how truly hungry I was. Attempting to bring myself to my feet, few cars passed by on the main street, carrying on about their day as I struggle to barely stand.
When I finally bring myself to stand up straight, I start my day the same way I have for the last seven days. Sit in my usual spot on the corner of the alley and the sidewalk, begging passerby's for any scrap change they may possess. There has not been a day that goes by that I do not feel embarrassment sitting there with my cardboard sign and any container I can find. For the moment it was some little girl's helmet. Don't ask.
Everyday the same people pass me on the street and every day they give me the same disgusted stares.
How I envy them.
It seems insane to envy them, but I can't help it. I understand the disgusted looks I receive from them, I was the same before I experienced this life style. I felt sorry for all of the poor souls I used to pass along the way, but I never paid any mind to them. So why should they give two shits about me?
My clothing soaked with sweat and dirt and my hair greased from the lack of a proper shower. I have managed to get by for now, scavenging for food, showering every time it rains, and sleeping in the alley.
I took my reserved seat on the edge of the side walk, waiting for cars to stop at the traffic light.
I often think about what these people think of me when they see me. If they judged me, felt sorry for me, it didn't matter as long as they gave me their scrap change.
A white Mustang convertible pulled up in front of me, patiently waiting for the light to turn green. An old woman sat at the drivers seat of the car, staring at me with a sweet smile. She seemed nice enough, but the staring was a bit much.
It's not like people don't stare at me every time they pass by. But this was different somehow. When we made direct eye contact her smile grew. She rolled down her window and gestured for me to come to the car.
Picking myself up I slowly made my way to her car. Sniffles came from my nose as I leaned down. I could feel the sweat drip from my forehead, growing heavier with every drop.
I'm getting sick. Fuck.
"Hello ma'am. How are you today?"
"Well. You have such nice manners for someone begging on the street." She said with the same smile she had held.
Who did this lady think she was? A slight sarcastic chuckle escaped my lips. "I didn't choose to be here you know?" I laughed, wanting her money and getting the fuck away from her.
