All The Broken Pieces

What I look like.

I was taught to look away

from the boys and men who were so lustful that it overflowed and spilled out of the sides of their mouths.

The boys who couldn't control their eyes or tongue.

The way it slowly glazes over their bottom lips

is c h i l l i n g

their eyes cut into my body like I am meat they'd like to eat.

Keep your legs closed

That skirt is too short

That dress is too tight

Those shoes are too tall

I was taught to be wary of the strangers who would take me

The ones who wanted to sell me for parts like I am a car

It's getting difficult to tell if I'm human anymore

My body began to grow, and instead of being celebrated

I was warned

that it is my job to keep my body from those who like to use people as objects

not their job to keep themselves under control

which has taught me to accept that my body isn't mine

Don't walk alone

Stay away from cars on quiet streets

Don't be a slut;

That's not ladylike

I was taught not to get angry.

Because boys don't like angry girls.

I was taught to not react

To hide my emotions as not to upset anyone

because "I'm fine" is better than overreacting

I was taught that men have more control over my clothes than I have over my actions

Be nice

Be sweet

Don't yell

Don't be easy

I was taught that the word slut is equivalent to trashy

I was taught that the word prude is equivalent to boring

I was taught to shame other women

I was taught that sex is dirty and something to be ashamed of

I was taught not to express my desires too loudly or they'd be taken

I was taught that I have to prove why I should be considered equal

I was taught to follow the rules

Don't wear those pants

Those shorts are too revealing

That neckline is too low

That makeup is whorish

I was taught that boys are excused for bad behavior because of their hormones

I turned 12 and suddenly boys wanted to see me

They wanted not to see who I was underneath the surface but what I looked like underneath my layers of clothes

I turned 12 and suddenly everyone had a say in what was appropriate for me to wear

But who's dirty thoughts are they trying to suppress? Certainly not mine

That hemline is above your fingers

That dress is above your knees

Your shoulder is exposed

There's too much skin showing

I was taught that my dirty thoughts were something to be ashamed of

I was taught that their dirty thoughts are human nature

I was taught to be polite and to accept the rude commentary on my body

I was taught that boys wouldn't want a used girl

I was taught that boys could be used over and over

Without being unwanted

Don't go to parties

Don't sleep around

Play hard-to-get

Don't lurk around for attention

I was taught to be the girl society wants

I was taught that no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for a magazine

I was taught to be ordinary

In this world where everyone wants to take your light

Fight for it.

At the end of the day

Words are words

I will learn to use words as fuel

to teach myself who to be

I can dress how I want

I can be loud and angry

I can act how I wish

I can like what I like

whatever it is, it will be my choice

What I look like.