what its like as the toxic friend

febuary 13th 2022

I don't really know where to start on this.... but I'm gonna be writing a general idea of what happened and if you want details I can give the full stories in another part.

Well I've always been a brat, I know now but I refused to accept this growing up. I would lie and do annoying things for attention.

Once I turned 11 I went to a new school. I made friends but I became addicted to them, it wasnt a healthy friendship.

I soon developed a 'crush due to the addiction. I chased after the high of being in love but I never liked the feeling of being in the relationship. I would get bored of it and dump the person. Why? I have no clue. I'm still like this but I'm trying to get better. I have a girlfriend and she's helping me sort my feelings out.

After 3 relationships I finally got with this person, but they broke up with me for their ex. I became obsessed with them, trying to memorize their schedule, learning their passwords to their email....I was horrible.

Then came the 2nd relationship. We were better but I soon got addicted. Again. And I was dumped cause of my lack of communication outside of school due to me not really liking to text people and not knowing what to say.

I got back with the 1st obsession and that lasted till around valentine's day when they broke up with me for someone else. I was jealous. I was angry. It was like I had just witnessed this person kill my parents or something.

I got back with the 2nd person, but it quickly became a poly relationship. Bring in person 3. Person 3 never loved me. They only used my extention of the relationship as a plaything. They liked my girlfriend but not me. During this time I was still addicted to person number 1, so I told the person they were dating about things that they did in past relationships, how they were a toxic bitch to everyone.

The worst part is. I felt no regret until it backfired on me. Flash forward around 4 months later, me and number 1 are good friends again and we had fun over the summer, then they distance themselves from me. I didn't find out why for a long time.

I ended up breaking up with 2 and 3 cause they started hanging out with 1 and it felt like they never even loved me. 2 did, but it wasn't love love.

So flash to a little bit later I start rumors about 1 2 and 3. 3 I don't regret and I never will cause they in turn hurt 2 and basically told everyone 2 was a rapist (their not, I ligit was a witness to the consent). I then get caught in a alcohol scandal at school, so I move to try and restart. A day after I move, I get a friend request from a snap chat account. This account was a "tea" account for my school. I sent in some of the rumors I knew about from the school and thing escalated. Things that no one had the right knowing were posted to the account.

Soon after, a post gets made. Using me before my transition, using my dead name and telling everyone where my new school was, blaming me for the horrible things that were posted. They had made the account under my school email.

I'll admit, I sent that person some nasty shit I had on people. And I will never forgive myself for things I've done. I can't forgive myself. I can only hope to do better or finally do something right. I'm working on my lying, I'm trying to do better in school and I'm trying to learn healthy ways to love people.

I hope people can learn fame things like this, and if you do relate to something like this, try and do better for yourself and others around you...