Killing Him Softly.

Chapter 1

There's this guy I like. But I don't want him to know. My crush isn't exactly normal because well, I'm a guy. I know my crush on him is odd. Unnatural. But I can't help the way I feel. I just don't want him to know. I'm perfectly happy watching him from afar. Yes, perfectly happy.

Really, just taking a glance at his social media every now and then is perfectly alright for me, I swear. I have my fantasies to turn to when I get lonely. It may sound sad to you, but it's how I'm content to live.

_____________________________

The train rumbled on towards its destination, Yoon Bum taking a peek up from checking his phone to glance up at the other male across from him, also on his phone. Oh Sangwoo. He tasted his name on his tongue, eliciting the sweetest pleasure to his mind. Sangwoo. Sangwoo. His Sangwoo. He had memorized the train routes to make sure they had ridden the same train everyday for the past few years. A little more than four years ago, not that Bum was really keeping track. Just a casual observation. Just feasting on his sculpted face was enough to sate the pangs within that longed for something more in the night.

It's not as if Bum could suddenly introduce himself to Sangwoo. They had had only two interactions his entire life of knowing him. In college, in their shared Pharmacology course, and in the military. Both were limited to a quick glance and distant friendly smile at the acknowledgement of noticing a stranger on Sangwoo's end. Bum wasn't memorable. He was too meek and quiet. He preferred to be in the background. It made life easier, not being noticed, he had learned.

Stay away from me freak!

Teacher, Yoon Bum put something gross in my desk. I think it's a love letter! Ewww!

Tsk, don't get all touchy feely with me just 'cause we went together to karaoke once. I just felt bad for you and you were so clingy. We're not friends! Don't talk to me again.

No, Sangwoo wasn't like that.

Sangwoo was a bright shining star. He lit up a room and everyone gravitated towards him. Ever since Yoon Bum had seen that smile, had first heard that voice, he had fallen deeply, hopelessly in love. His Sangwoo was kind. Maybe too kind for his own good. Yoon Bum had kept track of every single girlfriend Sangwoo ever had, which was plenty, and he couldn't help but feel a spike of jealousy at those girls for being able to be normal and date the guy they liked in public. For being able to kiss him, touch him. They got to have sex with Sangwoo. He swallowed thickly, hunching over to hide the stirring in his pants with his coat.

But as quickly as Sangwoo loved, he also lost. Women walked in and out of the blonde's life like roaches, leaving Sangwoo heartbroken Bum was sure. How cruel of them. Bum perked up a bit at hearing Sangwoo's brief chuckle at his phone. Bum's smile twitched. If only he could've been born a girl. Maybe he would've known what it would be like to be loved back. He would be kind to Sangwoo. He'd love him with all his heart. He would never stop. Not until it killed him.

The train slowed to a stop, the doors hissing open. Sangwoo looked at the stop and got up to leave. Once he was out of the doors, Yoon Bum followed. He made sure to stay far back, but close enough to watch him go about his day. This was his daily routine until his night shift at the convenience store. Once he was sure he'd gotten his fill of Sangwoo for the day, he headed back home, ducking his head to avoid the stares of onlookers at his haggard appearance shuffling down the street back to the train station. He had someone waiting for him and needed to hurry back before work.