Meeting Vivienne

Vivienne. That was her name. Everyone just kept talking about her. Who was she? The more I heard about her, the more I wanted to meet her.

Someone knocked on the door. Two times. Then three.

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. I didn't want to leave my bed. Why was everyone always interrupting my peace?

I walked towards the door and grabbed the handle. I doubted. I didn't want to open the door. Then I got anxious. Oh that feeling again.

The door was open.

—Gosh, you look terrible—. F looked at me with a worried face.

I didn't let F in. F didn't try to come inside either. We just exchanged looks.

—How are you?—

—Good. You know, like always—. F nodded.

—Do you want to come outside? We can talk about Vivienne—.

—Not in the mood—.

F left and I went back to my bed. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to F. "Thanks for coming. Love you".

I played some music and I closed my eyes. I started imagining what Vivienne looked like. How Vivienne was like. Why did everyone like Vivienne.

It was hard to imagine something I had never known. Vivienne. It sounded beautiful. I was jealous of the people who knew Vivienne.

I checked my phone. No messages.

I called C. It felt like forever till C picked up the phone.

—Hi! What 's wrong?— C sounded so kind... Like always.

—Nothing! Just wanted to know how you're doing—. I laughed. Although it was not funny.

—Great. Just hanging out with Vivienne—. It seemed like C was having a great time. —What about you? Haven't heard from you in a while—.

It had been a really long while.

—Good—. I smiled even though C didn't see it. There are smiles that are not happy.

We hung up the phone. Things had been awkward between us. But I was glad C was doing okay with Vivienne.

I had to take a shower but it was a lot of work. I hated it but it always made me feel good afterwards. Then I had to have dinner but that was harder than taking a shower. I rarely made it happen. Not that I didn't want to. I was dying to. I also had to clean the room. It was messy, dirty and dark. It felt like a rope around my neck.

I just went to sleep. And I dreamt of Vivienne. It was such a great dream that I didn't want to wake up. Ever.

That morning I woke up feeling euphoric. It was weird waking up with... hope. Maybe I could even go to Vivienne.

So I spent the whole morning getting ready. I listened to music and made myself look cute. I rarely felt that way though. But I even had breakfast. I thought then that everything could be possible that day.

I opened the door. Had everything always been that beautiful? I had never realized.

But things started to get away from me. Everything beautiful was then so far away. The only thing I could do was watch from the door frame. Well, maybe I could walk and go there...

Too lazy. I closed the door. The dark of my room was really comfortable.

I took a picture in the mirror before taking my clothes off. It was an awful picture. I sent it to M with a caption: "ready to see Vivienne!".