" You were my home "
This phrase resonated in your head, that was the last phrase you ever told Max before you two broke it off months ago. Since then you have been miserable. You had the worst kind of break up, not the one where you fell out of love. On the contrary there was so much love that it was getting too hard to combine your life together and walk toward the future. You had different ambitions, you wanted different things that weren't compatible with the way he had to live his professional life.
You've always been supporting Max, you were his pillar and you forgot about yourself and when you finally realized that you needed to have your own life as well and stop behind the moon that will turn around his Earth, it was too late. Daily routine made him not understand the sudden change. You wanted to explore and travel the world, helping others find a different way, discovering new cultures and opening your mind up to find something you would like to enjoy doing in your future. He had already written the first part of his life, being a formula one driver, traveling the world but only staying 3 days there and not getting to see much outside the track. He had been lucky to find his true passion young even if his dad pushed him toward this path, in the end he fell in love with it on his own.
But you, you never knew what you liked to do in life, you liked him and you thought it was enough, for a while it was, at first he was taking all the place and this empty hole was masked by the love. However the more you were aging, the more the hole was getting bigger and could be seen as his love wasn't enough to cover it up. You were close to falling in that hole, being on the edge, observing down that big empty hole, getting scared to fall, watching your love fighting all it had to keep you safe, to not take that last step that will start your downfall to depression.
That last step that you finally never take because his love could hide the hole anymore and it was right in front of you, seeing all this pain of not knowing who you were and who you wanted to become, what you wanted to do in life. Everything was out of the open now and you couldn't let that take everything away from you. Your mental health was more important and no matter how much you loved Max you had to put yourself first.
You thought he would understand, you thought he would give you the time and support you and he thought was doing just that but he was wrong, he had tried yes, how did he tried, but it was never enough, you waénted more, you needed freedom and it wasn't letting you do what the hell you wanted to do during racing weekend that could change anything. Letting you explore when he was racing made you feel guilty to not be there for him in the most important part of his life, he couldn't be there for you and you couldn't be there for him. In the end you were starting to suffer from the situation, the love and passion was still intact, just by the look he was giving you when he was staring at you, the way his hands were caressing you during your intimate moment, everything was still here. You were just not connected mentally the way you were in your beginning.
The break up was harsh for you both, you didn't want to have an argument but you ended up having it, trying to hold on so much on each other to make it work no matter what had damaged you and broke that red line between you. There was no understanding anymore, the dialogue was molten.
The last day you said that phrase was the last day you saw him with your own eyes. Still talking time to time via message to give each other some news, keeping in touch as they say, until there was nothing anymore. You were miserable emotionally speaking, but you never had felt better. Finding yourself, exploring the world, helping people and finding your voice, you knew what you wanted to do and you were ready to come home. Your pride was just stopping you from doing it.
Home was a person but you had to turn it back into a place. Home was Monaco, where you used to live with Max, now your home will have to be Monaco without him but with a new purpose. You had the luggage to create something great for yourself there, building your future now that you knew what you wanted.
But that little part of you that was still feeling miserable was screaming at you that home was Max and only Max and that you will never feel the same way you had felt with him do matter what you would accomplish in life.
You had learned that love was still here between the two of you, drunken nights for each other had admitted that but never did you both dare to talk about these voicemails when you were sober. You were both suffering again from the situation of being apart and not being able to be with each other. You knew that the break up was necessary to your well being and you gladly learn from it but now how could you start something new with him, going back to how things were when you were together and still move on and walk in the future. Where your future, objectifs and priorities would be aligned now and on the same cloud or is this doomed to fail no matter how much you need each other ?
Because you needed each other, months being apart and there is nothing more that you wanted right now than his arm around you and his lips matching yours. You missed the deep conversation about the world, the laugh and the immature joke and game you had, You missed the passion adn the lust, the sex wqas great and you abstaint yourself since you broke up. For you it was impossible to have someone else touching you, it has always been him and only him and you had secretly hoped it was the same for him.
Most of the night you were dreaming about him, and every morning you were hoping he would be next to you when you wake up like everything was well in the world.
To do a resume of your romance, it was the typical right person just at the wrong time and you were hoping that you will be able to have the stars aligned for you to turn the equation into the right person at the right time equal happiness forever.
Max POV :
She was the best thing that happened in my life and I didn't find smart and strong enough to keep her by my side. I remember every conversation we had after we broke up like it was a vital question when I could barely remember what she was wearing the first day I met her. I let her down, I thought she was mine forever and I lost her because I did exactly what I hated about my father without really noticing it. When she showed all the signs that she needed more, she needed freedom but for so long she had been the strongest one and the bravest, she did everything for us and was incapable to do the same for her by pure selfishness.
Yet here I am trying to find a way to bring her back to me without being the biggest douchebag. Dreaming about all the things I should have done differently, thinking about all the drunk voicemail I left her but was too afraid to talk about. All the I love you I muffled against my pillow when I was thinking of her every night, sleep never coming to me.
My life looks incredible from the outside but without her it's worth nothing, everything is gray, there is no color, no giggle, no laugh, no texture. My days are blending with each other like I am putting myself on repeat, like a robot that knows what he has to do and doesn't try to get out of my comfort zone.
It tooks me a couple of weeks to understand how she must have felt all this time when she sacrificed so much for us .. for me.
Now how to win her back and make her my equal, walk with each other at the same rhythm toward the same path.
"Because I was your home, but you are still mine"
YOU ARE READING
Home { Max Verstappen x reader }
Romance" You were my home " This phrase resonated in your head, that was the last phrase you ever told Max before you two broke it off months ago. Since then you have been miserable.