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It only takes thirteen seconds after walking into the coffee shop for me to end up in Tyler's arms. And it takes me a full twenty minutes afterwards to get over how much it felt like I had stumbled home when his hand gently rubbed my back for a fleeting moment.
God, this is so pathetic.
Whimpering after a guy who might not even like me like that anymore. Regardless of the fact that I'm not even sure if I like him like that too, or if I'm just running on the high of a man not treating me like shit for the first time in years. I listen to him talk, going over college, getting drafted and then the injury. His voice has deepened over time but I can't help the little smile that tugs at my lips as I listen.
God, I love that voice.
I ignore the flutter in my chest when he smiles while talking about how his parents are doing. How his dad retired early after getting sick from stress and found himself in love with baking, and now Tyler buys him stupid aprons with puns on them every chance he can get.
My mind trails off, starting to wonder what would have happened if we never broke up after high school. If we stayed closer and didn't move far away from each other. If I'd never met -
Stop it.
I let out a sigh and Tyler stops talking, frowning as he looks up at me from where he'd been circling his finger around his mug handle.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Sorry, sorry," I say. "I just...got distracted, I didn't mean to."
"It's okay, don't worry," he assures me. "Lot on your mind?"
I shrug. "Just a lot of messy stuff left over from one of my old jobs."
He winces, gulping back the last dregs of his drink. "Need me to beat someone up?" he asks, a sly grin sliding along his face. "My brief stint as a football golden boy is gone and I really think emotionally scarred violent kid is back in."
I scoff out a laugh. "One step forward, too steps back, huh?"
Tyler smiles. "Eventually you realize you're just going in a circle. Way better off to just take a step to the right and get on a different track."
"You on a different track now?" I ask.
He sighs. "Honestly? No idea. I'm on vacation in Canada because I can't afford to vacation anywhere else, and my friend is letting me stay in his apartment for free as long as I water his cactus."
I grin. "If it helps. I can't afford a vacation outside of Toronto. Even the bus is looking a little pricey."
Tyler laughs and a little jump in my chest makes me feel proud of getting that noise out of him. Part of me just wants to reach out and touch his face. Another really wants his arms around me again, his hand on my back. And another is depressed as hell that we kissed after so many years, and it may be the last kiss we ever have, and I can't even remember it.
