How much pain I can take

Chapter 01

Nancy was the last to leave. She gave Carlos a hug and told him to call her if they needed anything.

The party had ended abruptly as soon as TK had received the news about what had happened to his mother. He had disappeared with the phone and everyone had stared at him. Carlos told them what had happened and a stony silence fell over the loft.

No one knew what to do or say, until Marjan told them all that it would be better to leave. They didn't go to tell TK anything, no one went after him; they knew him too well, they knew he needed to be alone, he needed to process what had happened and he needed his time.

He turned off the music, picked up the food, put the dishwasher on and turned off the lights.

When he got to the bedroom, TK was curled up in bed, he hadn't even taken off his shoes, he had just plopped down on the bed and lay there, still, staring at the window, not seeing anything, not blinking. He was breathing slowly, he looked calm and Carlos knew that wasn't good.

TK had to explode, anyone would explode after receiving news like that. His mother had just died, they had barely seen each other in the last few months and TK had told him on several occasions about how it had been Gwyn and Carlos himself who had brought him out of the coma, who had kept him from letting himself die after the ice accident.

Gwyn was always there, one way or another, whether it was on the other end of the phone or in his mind. Gwyn was one of his pillars, one of the rocks that kept him standing, and now that stability had come crashing down with a phone call.

"Babe, ahm, I'll be... If you want to be alone..."

"No," TK said agitated. He turned a little, his eyes were red-rimmed from the tears he wasn't letting out. "No, leave me alone, not you," she whimpered in a whisper and reached out to his boyfriend.

"I would never leave you alone, my love."

Carlos sat on the bed and took TK's hand, kissed it and let it pull him. He lay down next to him, circled him, waist and massaged his hip, while kissing his neck and cheek to try to make him feel safe.

"My mother is dead," TK said aloud, with the tone of someone trying to understand what his words meant in a language he didn't understand. "Carlos, my mother... my mother has died."

"I'm so sorry, mi vida."

"How is that possible, Carlos? I talked to her last week, we were joking and she told me so many things about Jonah... Oh, Jonah." TK turned around and stared at Carlos, now he was really crying, tears were running down his cheeks and his lips were trembling. "Jonah is not going to remember his mother... I... I have so many memories of her, but Jonah won't have any because he will soon forget. Carlos...my mother is dead."

There it was.

TK collapsed like a mountain of leaves suddenly blown over by the wind.

He burst into tears like Carlos had never seen before; he sounded so heartbroken and destroyed that Carlos didn't know what to say, and simply hugged him tightly, as if he felt he was able to bring their bodies together as one, and kissed his head, like a lion cares for its cub, knowing that it wouldn't make TK feel any better.

Nothing could make him feel good.

"I have to call my dad and tell him...god, I don't know how to do that, because I still can't believe it."

"Do you want me to do it, I don't want you to go through the hard time."

"No, thanks, baby, but I have to do it myself."

TK asked Carlos to leave him alone for a moment and, although he didn't like to leave him at a time like this, Carlos agreed and told him he would be out on the couch working.