Forgive Me and Always?

Prologue

So... it's been 2 years since I last went to school. I haven't gone ever since I caused a huge scene in school. It was horrible, one of the things I regret the most. My freshman year, was not my best year, I had ruined it all. I was a mentally ill 14 year old, i'll admit that. I was not okay, I had let so many things go to my head, it possessed me.
It was September 3rd,2010, a Friday. I felt off the morning before leaving to school, but I shrugged it off because I thought it was just a mood swing I tend to have from time to time, which I was able to control. But, this exact day, a rumor spread about a boy I had a crush on, his name was Maxwell, Maxwell Kehn, he was also in the same grade as me. The rumor was that he was dating my now ex-bestfriend, Lina. I was iffy about believing the rumor due to the fact, I didn't think she could do that to me. She knew how deeply I liked Maxwell. My mind instantly went she couldn't have betrayed me right?? But, boy was I wrong, as I started to walk toward my class, I see Lina with Maxwell. She was being super touchy with him and firty. I instantly got really angry, I couldn't control my emotions, I was already feeling iffy, I lost control of my movements, I felt myself blackout. As I open my eyes I noticed I'm no longer in school, I'm in pitch darkness. Am I daydreaming? I try to pinch myself to wake myself up, but nothing. Then a voice of a strange woman, raspy and ugly, says "You won't be able to awaken from this just yet, I haven't had my fun yet." I feel as if I'm just dreaming, I laughed and said to myself I was probably dreaming this entire time and I'm just in deep sleep. But, the woman's raspy voice suddenly gets louder, " Oh sweetheart, you're not dreaming." I then see a bright light in the distance, I slowly walk towards it and it starts to get clearer, I can see the school, I am still walking towards my class, no wait why am I sprinting, I see my hands aim for Lina and grab her by the back of the head, banging it up against the lockers in the hallway. I then see her slowly go down to the floor. "NO" I yelled, then the hidious sounding voice of the lady starts to laugh and breathe in with relief, "That felt great, what's wrong isn't this what you wanted, your anger summoned me here after all. Let's have more fun shall we..." I then look back, and start to see myself look at Maxwell... "NO STOP THIS PLEASE NOT HIM", but she didn't listen. I then watched her somehow turn my pen into a sharp pocket knife with my hands, she made me watch the person I desired the most, the one I loved, get stabbed right in front of my eyes, with my own bare hands. I yelled, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU LEAVE MY BODY NOW PLEASE, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS." Everything went pitch black again. I suddenly hear a faint voice, it starts to get louder and louder within the second, "DROP THE WEAPON", I then regain my full consciousness and see a police officer pointing his weapon at me. "I SAID DROP THE WEAPON", he repeated. I instantly dropped it, I can feel the warm tears running down my cheeks, as my vision got blurry. How did it come to this, how was this even possible? Who was controlling me!?? I questioned myself while being pinned up aganist the lockers, being cuffed and put into the back of the cop car. I was in shock I didn't know how to exactly feel, I was confused, it still hasn't hit me, maybe it's all just a dream still, yeah I'm dreaming right?...
I then shut my eyes, thinking how to try and wake myself from this 'dream' but it wasn't working. I then heard the ambulance sirens. "No no no no this can't be happening", I said to myself. I then start to bang my head back onto my seat harder and harder. The police looked back and sighed as they told me to stop. I kept talking to myself, "This can't be real", it then all starts to hit me. "No I can't be blamed for this. I was not myself, no one will believe me, they'll think of me as a lunatic." I kept blabbering to myself and the cops kept looking back at me and nodding in as if they felt bad. I felt stuck. There was nothing I could do. The cops then came, opened the door and told me my rights, "You have the right to remain silent- blah blah blah- yada yada- if you don't have an attorney- blah blah.." I know how this goes. I sigh as they took me away. My parents then bailed me out later that day, they did not even blink an eye to me. I noticed they have a suitcase tied up to the top of the car, I try and cheer up the mood by saying, "We don't need to move it's okay I can fix this." But, they completely ignored me and I know where they're taking me, they think I'm crazy, so I must be getting sent to Cenus Youth Psychiatric Health Facility or as I call it "The House for The Mentally ill". I decided to enjoy my time looking out of the window before we got there. But, once we arrived, they took my suitcase down then got back in the car, and still did not say a word to me. They avoided eye contact and waited till I started to walk toward the entrance, my dad pulled out his phone and started to call someone. I suddenly hear the doors to the entrance and a nurse, stepped out and waved at them while she also held a phone up to her ear. I looked back at them and they had already started the car to leave. I felt so ashamed of myself at that point I actually wanted to kill myself. But at last I couldn't, so I started walking towards the entrance where the nurse waited for me. I went inside and was welcomed by a lot of kids and some of my age. I felt welcomed but I still did not feel at ease since I knew I didn't belong here. It wasn't so bad though, some kids and others had their episodes, but I didn't hear the hideous raspy voice of the lady again after the incident which I was afraid of, I was not sure when she'd decide to return and it haunts me.
After being there for 5 months, I didn't think she'd come back, since she had made no appearance, I'm sure she won't be back anymore. I stayed in this Mental Home for almost a full year. I was mainly still there longer than expected for having episodes of mood swings that I couldn't control after the incident. That is only why I stayed so long, those episodes delayed my release date every month. But, they gave me a different dosage once I was there for 6 months to try and control it, they also did put me into a meditation class they had, they had me stay a couple months to see if it helped and it did that's when I was then released on August 19th 2011. My parents were outside waiting for me and see they didn't visit me, not once while I was staying here. And, they dare be happy to look me in the eye this time. Like they just left and couldn't EVEN LOOK ME IN MY EYES OR SAY GOODBYE WHEN THEY LEFT ME HERE! I didn't even want to argue or bat an eye at them. I looked down and kept walking towards them, I left my suitacse next to the car for my dad. My mom on the otherhand hugged me. I didn't hug her back, she then continued to say, "How are you doing, is the medication working, did you make any friends?" I sighed and looked her in the eyes, I had no emotion. I love my parents, I really do but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I then turn around without saying a word to her and got in the car. As we all finally got ready to leave, dad suddeny said, "Oh here you go kiddo, if you don't want to talk to us yet, you can at least text us." I look up at them and see my dad holding out my phone with my earphones still connected to them, they still kept these? I thought they'd give it away or at least wouldn't have given it back so soon. I take the phone and turn it on, I notice everythings still the same as the way I last left it, they must've just turned it off as soon as they got their hands on it. I put my earbuds in and went to the group chat I have with my parents on messages.