Dear Revengence, Carl, Dank, Friendtime, Autobot, Birthdaybot, MEE6 and Spoilerbot,
Nothing much to say, really. Hope you're all doing well. I've been going as well as expected - which is to say, rather badly. Painting my nails black and thinking of you guys right now. Urgh, the only good thing about war is all the knives I get to carry around.
Played a game of UNO with Rat, Will, and Lovisa today. Lovisa won. Seems to be settling in well enough. She was a bit frosty at first, but appeared to have thawed (haha) after breakfast. We bet on Saens' lunch, at Eric's suggestion.
Don't look at me like that. She was far too involved in her plotting and planning! Didn't even notice it gone. Kill the British this, kill the British that, I swear Saens hates them more than the Kaiser himself does... She's given herself the moniker of "The Red Duchess", actually. I don't think that's how it works, but she's done it. Works herself into a real fervour. I suppose it's not a bad thing, if we can steal her lunch for UNO.
Cereal's still in the hospital. I visited her a few days ago, and she's doing alright. Wish I were lucky enough to get injured, because I'm sure there are some hot male nurses I could chat up and bring home to you guys. Wait out the war in grand style with my hot nurse boyfriend, exchaning sexual favours for medicine and extra rations, sneaking around after dark to share a cigarette by the lakeside... But don't be jealous! My blackened husk of a soul still yearns for your embraces, Revengeance, Carl, Dank, Friendtime, Autobot, Birthdaybot, MEE6 and Spoilerbot! Its just that it could also belong to a hot male nurse too. You know how it goes.
Considering relinquishing my chair to Oreo once and for all after your last letters. Even when I was still at home, he liked to claim it. Now I'm afraid he'll make it his forever. Give him a pat for me nevertheless.
Love you with every inch of my jet black heart and hollow soul,
Kaz.
To the members of Jagdstaffel 23, Captain Near was a colossus. Not that they would dare tell him so. The only one who dared approach him was Lovisa Geels, who approached his office with a hard-boiled egg her second week in the Jagdstaffel 23 and held it aloft for Captain Near to see. Captain Near straightened with astonishment at Lovisa's effrontery and concentrated upon her the full gale of his stern gaze of disappointment, heavy with expectation and flat disdain. Lovisa stood her ground, taking shelter behind the hard-boiled egg raised protectively before her face like a magic charm. In time the gale began to subside, and the danger passed.
"What is that," Captain Near demanded at last.
"An egg," Lovisa explained.
"What kind of egg," Captain Near demanded.
"A hard-boiled egg." Lovisa explained.
"What kind of hard-boiled egg," Captain Near demanded.
"A fresh hard-boiled egg," Lovisa explained.
"A fresh hard-boiled egg from where," Captain Near demanded.
"From a chicken," Lovisa explained.
"And where is the chicken," Captain Near demanded.
"In Malta, Sir."
"And how many chickens are there in Malta?"
"Enough to produce a sea of hard-boiled eggs, enough to provide a fresh egg a day for every member of the Jasta, Sir. At the cost of 5 cents each from the mess budget," Lovisa explained, setting the egg down on the Captain's desk. It tipped on one porcelain side, rotating once or twice before coming to a gentle stop at the tip of Captain Near's pencil.
