Liberties

I'm to be wed tomorrow at Aubrey Hall. Miss Sharma no more, I will be Viscountess Bridgerton. It is a life for which I prepared my sister Edwina but never imagined for myself. I can now admit that I always dreamed of a grand love like the one mama shared with Appa but I did not allow myself to envision my future until after my sister and mother were settled. I thought securing love for my sister would be enough as I settled into spinsterhood back in India. I thought true love had long since passed me by. I intended to be content as a governess and doting aunt. Then Anthony came along and ruined my best laid plans.

A crack of thunder rouses me from my reverie. Heart racing, I shake my head and look around the candlelit library to distract myself. I take an unsteady breath. Anthony and I have certainly had memorable moments in this room. I couldn't admit it to myself at the time but, on a storm-tossed night like this, passion turned into a deep and abiding love. I was drawn to him from our first encounter but, when he told me of his father that night, his sad eyes crumbled my defenses. My heart heard his.

Warmth suffuses my entire body as I remember our second encounter in this room, the intensity of his gaze, his breath on my cheek, the deep timbre of his voice. The ache at the center of my womanhood is matched only by that in my chest. It's a delicious ache that he has stubbornly refused to... address. Vexing man. It has been weeks since our engagement and even longer since our tryst in the garden at Bridgerton House.

I'm well aware that he could have taken more "liberties" that night. I made it a point to educate myself about what happened between men and women so that I could help guard Edwina's virtue when she came of age. He held himself back on our first night together. I felt his arousal pressed between my legs after his mouth and hands sent me into ecstasy. I wanted more. I wanted all of him. But I also felt enough shame about that stolen bit of pleasure as it was.

As much as I love Anthony, I could not truly be with him until Edwina had forgiven me. I loved her first. It still pains me to know that my happiness came at a cost to hers. She has reassured me that the heartbreak she experienced led her to much needed self-discovery. She now says that the love she thought she felt for him was an illusion. I'm proud of how my little sister has grown since we've come to England. She has tapped into a strength and wisdom that I can only admire.

Book and candle in hand, I head up the stairs back to my room. It adjoins the Viscount's room but Anthony is not due to arrive back at Aubrey Hall til morning. He's been traveling for the past week, tying up Bridgerton estate's accounts so that we could leave for India a few days after the wedding. I've spent the week here with Lady Violet as she helped prepare me for my new role as viscountess. My hand is at the door when it suddenly swings open. Anthony collides into me and grabs my arms to steady me. My hands rest on his wet shirt front. Rain soaked, he is unnervingly appealing. My body tightens at the hunger in his eyes.

"Kate! Thank God!"

"What's wrong? Is everyone alright?" I reach out to brush my fingers across his damp hair.

"Yes, as far as I know. I was worried about you, especially after I found your room empty. You tend to make rash decisions during thunderstorms."

I pull back but his grip on my arms only allow for a couple additional inches of space between us.

"I beg your pardon?" I ask, irked by his implication.

"I feared you'd run away again."

"Again? Whatever are you talking about?"

A noise down the hall reminds me to lower my voice. I motion for us to speak more privately. He reluctantly releases me and follows me into the room after picking up the book and candle.

"I've noted your fear of storms. You've behaved irrationally when influenced by that fear in the past. I rode back early when I realized how bad tonight's storm was going to get."

"Do you mean to tell me you traveled here on horseback in the middle of night because the storm's severity? I believe it is you and not I who is behaving irrationally."

"Before I met you, I would never have thought to ride in the middle of a storm but the last time we had one this bad..." he takes a halting breath and the worry in his chocolate eyes makes my heart stutter. Newton has competition from this man when it comes to beguilingly mournful eyes.

I go to him to smooth his brow and murmur, "I'm sorry. I apologized to mama and Edwina about my reckless behavior that morning after we..." I shake my head. "I was overcome. I needed to move, to go fast in order to escape my thoughts. I never intended to get hurt. Thank God you were there to rescue me after my fall."

He wraps me in his arms and I shiver as the rainwater from his clothes soaks through my white night gown. He runs a hand through my hair and tangles his fingers at the nape of my neck before leaning in for a soft kiss.

"The last time I saw your hair down like this was when you rejected my first proposal of marriage. My hands ached to do as they are doing now. Touching you... it's like nothing else, Kate. I need you in my life. I've missed you desperately this past week."

"Anthony," I sigh as he tightens his arm around my back and pulls me closer.

I trace his bottom lip with my thumb before pressing my mouth against his for a deeper kiss. He groans and joins me in a heady tangle of lips and tongue and teeth. His hands move restlessly along my back, my hair, my face... and nowhere else. I moan in frustration and the beast smiles against my mouth. I pull back and note the glint in his eyes. I want to slap those devastating dimples right off his devilishly handsome face. It has been weeks of this torture, for both of us. His entire body is pressed up against mine. He stands an inch or two taller than me and there is hard evidence of his desire jutting against my lower belly.

This is ridiculous. I am no naive ingenue. Though I lack any actual experience, I do know what I want and I want this man. Tonight. Rules be damned. Tomorrow's vows aren't going to make me love him any more than I do now. And he's not the only one allowed to set the pace for our intimacy. He must have read the change in my expression because he grabs my wrists and put them between us.

"Kate," he has the nerve to admonish. "It's just one more night. We make our promises to each other tomorrow and then all my nights are yours. The rest of my days belong to you. You will be my viscountess. I will not dishonor you by taking further liberties before we are wed."

I search his face as he releases my hands and steps backward toward the door to his room. For a man who disavows poetry, he has a way with words that can disarm the unwary. I feel like I know him better than I know anyone. We have a connection unlike any I have ever known. I can tell when there's something more behind the words. Still, I suppose we have the rest of our marriage to figure out each other's layers.

"I don't want to be put on a pedestal, my lord. My honor does not depend on us abiding by arbitrary rules. Someday, I want for you to please tell me what's been holding you back. I will honor your wish to wait until after tomorrow's ceremony."

He nods approvingly as he reaches behind him to open the door to his room, "Most wise. You will see I am right about waiting."

Honestly, it's not as if I'd pounce on him were he to turn his back. Probably. I roll my eyes and fight the urge to kiss the self-righteous expression right off his face. I decide to go for a different approach. I lock my eyes to his and pull the nightgown off just as a bolt of lightning illuminates the room. I smile as all the blood seemed to drain from his face to... other places. Then I close the door and run to bed. The storm might keep me from sleeping tonight but at least I know he won't be getting any sleep either.