Ugh I fucking look scandalous at this point due to me wanting a bf while I have a daddy (fwb)
I want a bf. I do. Because I'm always lonely. Ofc I actually prefer real life.
So I tried tinder. Met this awesome guy butttttt he wasn't ready to date and kinda so am I due to him and me being different, like religion and race.
So we became friends with benefits (fwb) like a ddlg version.
We went on like three days weeks ago on the weekend. We fucked. We shared moment. Weirdly I have a huge crush on him but he doesn't know.
He said he wasn't ready and such. We got the talk. I have to swallow up and admit for a bit that I'm not ready too.
I feel like he's been drifting away from me but I also have to understand that he's busy with college since everytime I went to his house.. He always do his assignment even though it's date night. I don't mind since its his future.
But I'm scared if I'm annoying to him. I always be the first to text him. Sometimes he left me on read when I keep hoping for him to reply. When we first met, he's barely like that.
He's not the most talkative in chats but irl he is quite a chatter. But I'm scared that he doesn't want to do anything with me in the future.
I really like how gentlemen he is. He holds my hand even on our first date knowing I was a nervous wreck. He holds my hand everywhere on the first date at the mall.
He's really my type. Long hair, tall, cosplayer, loves anime and ofc I beat his gfs lmao I'm his first big boobs girl.
But not shaming the ex lol. They left him because of another man. Kinda understand why he's not ready to date.
Sometimes I go back to tinder and try someone new as in getting know ofc. But the word he said to me, "I can't bare to share you with someone else" really hits me. I keep thinking about it everytime I'm about to be hoe.
Due to him always leaving me on read, I kinda try do the same if he sent me something like videos or memes. I think I ghosted him like 4 days, also wanting to see if he texted first but sadly.. No he did not. Had a breakdown because of missing him. Today finally messaging him like normal. Okay I was fangirling but come on. He's so cute with his new hair cut.
Then left me on read again 💆♀️
I try to think positive since I did say he doesn't talk much in chat and maybe only irl he's willing to talk more. I'm so scared if I sound annoying to him if I keep being the first to text.
Everytime I want to ask him to call me.. He left me on read or give an excuse or something.. I was pretty lonely. I understand he's busy with assignments but can't he do that while he's calling me? Just plug the headphones and talk. Doesn't have to be a lot of talking but just chilling because I enjoy having him as company.
But now. I'm confused. I wanna move on but those words about don't want to share got me hanging. I really enjoy the smallest attention I get from him. Even it's just him viewing my instagram story.
I really hope I get to spend more time with him. Irl he likes to compliment me like a ddlg relationship. Patting me and such. But I'm so scared if I'm being a burden. Like I'm the one asking to go out on dates and such.
I just wanted to spend time with him. Because I may have fallen in love.
