Breaking and healing.

My before i guess

Well I think I should get this out of the way,

My name is Glitch or Elliot, I'm a transmasc  14 year old. Yeah probably not the smartest thing to do is put out my age on the internet but ya know. I don't really give two shits. Ya know? Anyways, my life is shit, honestly, I mean not as shit as a lot of other people but still, pretty shitty. I grew up with both emotionally and physically abusive parents. I have two other sisters and I basically raised them when we were all younger, I still do but my mom try's. I've been sexually assaulted by a boy on the bus when I was younger in elementary school at my old school. I won't ever forget that shit, but Life goes on right?

My teachers are basically my family, my school/class is my family. I had a lot of bully's, still do, I didn't have a voice I barley have one now. I've been beaten up by said bully's at my old school, called names, all that great shit. My bestfriend started to hate me and join in on the bullying when my "dad" left. He left in 2017 February actually. He stopped hitting us after he got his own house and shit. My mom started working, only coming home once she was off or after she got home from partying and drinking. I saw my mom basically a few hours a day, if an hour some days.

We would get home and our babysitter would be their, she was amazing also, I love her, haven't seen her nor heard from her since she stopped baby sitting us, although I know she has a kid now, I know that, that kid has a stellar mom. She was fun, kind, and of course kept the rules in place. But she was amazing I saw her as an older sister, it was nice, me being the oldest but being able to look up to someone like her. My old friends that I would like to see again that were my ride or dies, their names were, Dayton, angel, tyler, sheyan, Taylor, Isabella, and Vanessa.

They were amazing people, Dayton always called my "dad" a jerk, honestly it was funny, she was beautiful, still is, always having boys liking her, and her almost always turning them down, she was independent, her own person, never letting anyone hold her down or control her, although she was very shy, we boosted each other's confidence and we were like sisters. I always felt so happy that I could be friends, best friends, with someone that was considered popular, and beautiful, and smart. While I was an outcast, loner, fat, and ugly. She saw the world in such a positive way, she was my light. I will forever see her as such, she was everything I had at one point and comforted me, and stood up for me, and complemented my drawings, and saw me as such an intelligent person. I felt so loved by her, by all of my true friends.

Angel, he was a Mexican kid, he always had a Mohawk and he had a rat tail to, it went down to his upper back, his mom used that spray dye stuff on his Mohawk when their was a holiday or, spirt week. Then their was tyler, we were like the three musketeers, wherever one went the other two followed, tyler was very pale, with freckles on his nose and cheeks, he had very very short hair, think buzz cut, just a bit longer that you could actually like comb and whatnot, he was much shorter than me and most of the other kids.

Sheyan was his older sister, she was amazing, she was a ginger, and pale and freckles all over, she was very pretty, she usually wore camo, or hoodies. Tyler always wore a camouflage hoodie, jeans, and tennis shoes, he liked ninja turtles to. Him and his sister lived with their grandparents, the grandmother was named Mickey, she always wore a red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. My sisters and I would usually go over their in the morning so they could take us to the bus stop, and sometimes in the afternoon when my mom was at work or hadn't woken up yet.

Tyler and I dated, he asked me out with the help and encouragement of angel. He kissed me on the cheek once on the bus, I still somehow remember it, although, that was the first time someone had showed me general affection, it was nice, sheyan gave me hugs all the time, and me and tyler would hug as well at the end of the day after he did that, it was nice.

Angle always said he was gonna be the president, and he would see me and tyler get married, I missed those days, their were the funnest.

Isabella taught me Spanish on the bus whenever I would cry or looked sad, it always cheered me up, she rode beside me on the bus, she was sweet, she always had her hair up, and wore a bright pink jacket, she was Mexican and had beautiful skin, never a blemish on it, she was a grade above me, but she treated me like a little sister, or her daughter, it was amazing, it was comforting, it was safe.

But back to my "dad" leaving, I was broken, although he abused me and hurt me and shit, I was still a little girl who just wanted her mommy and daddy to be happy, and to go on rides with him in his big pickup truck and go to the Exxon that was right before you got on the interstate, past the dollar general, and the church, and the house on the hill with all the pine trees around it. But when my mother said he left, and he might never be back, I was in shock then I cried, we all did, together we all cried, and cried, then, cried some more.  Reading was my safe space, along with drawing.
I would lock myself in my room, and read, and maybe rearrange my room, reorganize my clothes, play with my monster high dolls that I loved with everything in me. If took me forever to recover from him leaving, and I still am recovering. I cried so much as a kid, I think it may be the reason I barley can cry now, although, when I do cry, I'm unable to stop, their like a waterfall, a waterfall with never a never ending supply of water, it floods my brain, my relationships, my life.