When I'm gone

One minute the water's calm, the next its foamy, full of rapids, rocks, trees, and mud. Then comes the sound. It's deafening. The roar of the upcoming waterfall, mixed with the echoing thunder of my heart and the thumping in my head as my brain suddenly scrambles for an escape.

Panic sinks in, shooting through my veins, wrenching my gut, hammering on the doors of my closed heart. I'm going to die! A scream, blurred at the edges reaches my ears. It's unclear whether it's my own.

The paddle slips from my grip as I make a desperate leap for the shore. A sob rips through my body and my limbs go weak. Crashes, screams, panic, they're the only things filling my senses.

The second I become aware of life again, I see my kayak go over the edge, followed by my paddle.

As I am swiftly swept towards the waterfall, the world starts spinning. Just before I go over, the water turns me around so I'll go over backwards.

The free fall starts, almost in slow motion. The water's push is strangely comforting. The view would be breathtaking, but my breath is already gone.

I've always heard the saying my life flashed before my eyes but I've never believed it until now.

〜

"Zoē!" my ex best friend Mia screams at me. "You've ruined everything!" Cameron cheated on me, because you liked him!"

"Mia, he told me you guys broke up and it was mutual!"

"You go and steal my boyfriends, I'll sit here and whither, alone."

〜

Oh Mia, I never got to apologize. Man I miss you. And Cameron? I still never got to beat you up for lying to me and then cheating on her. Guilt clamps my stomach. Mum. We'd had so many arguments over the past year. Now that I think about it, it was for stupid reasons. Dad, all lonely since mum left. Without me he'll have no-one.

What's the point of dying at sixteen? I mean, everyone says we have our whole lives ahead of us. Do we really?

〜

"Come on Zoē, you've got to go, you can't just promise Amilia you'd help her move houses, and then drop out last minute because she's suddenly too nerdy and you don't want to be seen with her." My mother tells me.

"But-"

"Don't go butting me, once you've made a promise you HAVE to keep it, It's a rule in this house."A snicker escapes my mouth."What was that?" Mum asks.

"You made a promise to dad," I point out.

"I said in this house, now, GO!"

"NO!" And I storm outside, down the farm and to the shed by the river. "Promise me you'll never go to the river Zoē, you'll die, Okay?"

"I pwomise mummy."

'Whatever mum, I won't die.' I drag my kayak down the bank and to the shore.
〜

'Mum, you were right, I'm so sorry.' The pool's arms close around me comforting me as I collide with it. My eyes open in time to see the last of my breath escape my mouth in thousands of tiny bubbles. 'Swim, SWIM!' My brain screams. My arms slowly move upward. But after one stroke, the world goes black. I know, even in my unconsciousness, that I'm about to die.

Calmness covers me from head to toe, like a cheap crappy, halloween ghost costume. They say death is scary, painful and you really don't want to go there, but in reality, yes my death wasn't a walk in the park, but I got to see some amazing views along the way.