Season 3 Supergirl Lena Versus The Universe

Chapter 9

Lena curses herself for getting her hopes up again an entire day without morning sickness when she wakes up the next night. Her morning sickness has come back with a vengeance and she makes a run for the toilet. Here, she spends a good part of the night dry heaving. She doesn't actually throw up but also doesn't feel safe enough she won't to get up.

The rest of the week, she spends her mornings in the same manner; hunched over the toilet bowl with her eyes closed silently begging for it to stop. She doesn't remember the last meal she kept down and has been living on a few crackers a day. It's the only food that doesn't make her stomach turn, if eaten in small portions.

Jess has been worried about her and mainly her eating and sleeping habits. Nothing gets past her secretary and Lena knows her assistant must have looked at when her card was used when she's greeted with another comment about enjoying life and sleeping in. Jess never confronts her, but instead chooses to make some almost subtle comment on taking care of oneself or how good her lunch tasted or how she had slept so well. Lena doesn't really enjoy it, though she appreciates the fact that Jess seems to care about her.

Currently, Lena is sitting at her desk trying to find a way to avoid going to lunch with Kara without canceling. Kara had wanted to meet earlier this week but had bailed two times already after getting a new lead for a story she really needed to check out. Lena was almost afraid Kara was avoiding her but the blonde insisted that this time she'd not get a lead get in the way. She told Lena she'd just finished the first draft of her article, meaning she'd only have to wait for feedback and edit the article. No more going after new parts of the story.

Lena fiddles with a business card she received earlier this week from her doctor. She'd gone to confirm her pregnancy and get a check-up to make sure everything was okay. It was. Everything with the child was fine. There even was a heartbeat. Lena had expected hearing the heartbeat would make it all real, would even make her cry like she'd heard people do. It didn't. It had already felt very real to her. She turns the business card over in her hand again. She gives it one more look and places it in her coat pocket. The card was from an abortion clinic. Her doctor had told her she needed to be sure. A hundred percent sure, whatever decision she made. It makes all her doubts resurface and by Friday she has convinced herself she made the wrong decision last week. She's tired. Her body doesn't agree with her anymore. She can't eat, she can't sleep. A human trying to grow an alien inside her seems like a more horrible idea every passing minute. Her body is not fit for this task. It has been made for her, and if needed for a human child to grow in. Not a half-alien. But part of her still wants it.

Lena thinks back to when she was four. She had just been adopted by the Luthor's and wanted nothing more than a baby doll. She wanted one to dress and care for. She wanted her own little baby. She wanted to be a mother. Not long after this she had pushed her dreams down. She'd asked for a doll for her birthday and instead got nothing. Not even congratulations from anyone but Lex. The only birthday the Luthors celebrated was the one from the golden boy. She'd learned that the Luthor household was not one to cherish familial bonds and that being a mother was not something a girl or woman should aspire to be. She should shoot for greatness in something more tangible. Something Lillian did understand, because clearly motherhood did not agree with her. So, Lena had pushed down her dreams. Had tucked them away in a dark corner of her mind to never be revisited again.

She walks back to her desk, still trying to find a good excuse enough to reschedule lunch to later that day. But then she remembers how Kara thinks any time for food so there is really no way to avoid being in the proximity of food.

Far too soon and at the same not soon enough, Kara entered her office with a little knock.

"Hi Kara, come in. I just have to finish this." Lena says, gesturing to the paper in front of her with a small smile directed at Kara. "Then I'm ready to go. It'll only be a minute."