Mom

mom - A Short Story

My mom is the kindest person
She wins people over
She is nice to everyone and everyone is nice to her
She also doesn't see her worth
She says she doesn't have many friends
When people (friends or family) invite her somewhere she never accepts
She's a good mom now
Was a good mom when we were little
She's a good mom to my growing cousins
They're 10 now and she's still good
And kind
And attentive
And sweet and caring
And gente
I'm watching her be the mom I wish I had
The one who would ask questions
And have a conversation with a child who's not her child while I'm standing there
She was nice
She was great
We would be at home
The three of us
No dad
And do the alphabet
Or fill in sticker albums
She once made cookies with me
She said she liked baking
And that she would bake a cake every month until I turned one
She never asked nor had a conversation with me as to why I didn't want to go to piano lessons anymore
I don't know the answer to this til this day cause I never really thought about it
I was just never warned of the change or talked about it after it came
Or ballet in middle school when I was afraid people would bully me
Or volleyball on and off when I couldn't connect with the other girls because I had never really connected with people my age
And when people were finally making an effort and trying and being nice
I didn't know what to do about it
And I didn't want to be like my dad
And I was depressed
And I had panic attacks on my way down
She never talked to me about these things
And now she tells me I didn't speak
That she didn't know I was bullied in elementary school
That the few friends I was able to make in second grade I lost
That I hung out with the boys in first grade because the girls I had made friends with just disappeared on me and the rest of the girls never wanted anything to do with me
She never asked me how was school
So she never really knew I was bullied when I changed to a different one
She knew a few stories eventually
Not all
The ones she knew about she tried to help
It never worked
Not because of her
The school never took action
There were always excuses
So eventually I just never shared anything
I kept to myself 6th through 8th grade
And when I tried to share again in 11th grade
I was told to be quiet because what I was going through was affecting my mother
This didn't come from her
It came from the same person who threatened my life at 14 and called me autistic and antisocial
And when my life was threatened and she finally heard this story from me
She said that it was too late
That we couldn't go to la lopna and we couldn't take him to court
But she's still married to him
She googles about emotional and verbal abuse because of him
She stays
After 30 years
And criticises me for still thinking about a guy I dated for two months
Who was nothing but nice to me during the relationship
Until he wasn't
And it's not been easy
But it's judgment after judgment
And she doesn't even know our finances
I don't think she makes her own money at the moment
She can't
She's tending to the house all day
And they have the cars all day
We can't leave
We don't have anywhere to go
We can't make our own plans
Because there's only one car
And we're not a priority
They are
Because they are explosive
The centre of the universe
Just like the sun
But other people have it worse, don't they?