Diary of the Quiet One

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Sunday, 26 April, 2015

Dear whatever,
It's been awhile since I heard from "him." I miss him dearly and my friends can start to see the depression I am experiencing. It seems foolish to be typing a diary. I was given the idea to do this simply out of boredom. I don't even know what to call this so called diary. I guess I will stick with Whatever for now. It's hard to even think about going to school tomorrow. I just hope no one bullies me this time, it just seems so wrong to talk about these things here. This is all I have left now, I guess I can make this work. Today was a pretty fun day today I guess. I got to hang out with my friend yesterday and today. Last night was pretty exciting since I got to drink Monster at her house while this morning we left to go to the beach and when we got there, there were rip tides. We decided to go to the pool which was pretty fun too, except when I go to the beach I just want to overlook the sea. That sense of freedom that you get when you see how far out the ocean stretches to, just tempts me to swim there forever until I finally reach the horizon. One day, I want to run away to the beach and just stay there. I want to feel the suspense of knowing that if I ever go home I will be in trouble. I guess that's just the way to feel when you are a young teenager. It would have been a perfect day if I just knew that "he" would message me. He hasn't messaged me ever since last Thursday. Oh well, I knew it would be too good to be true for a guy as handsome and sweet to fall in love with a girl who wears the biggest glasses and has the curliest of hair, it just doesn't work that way for a girl with such little hopes. Some day, I hope we bump into each other and our eyes meet creating a magical feeling. Having that certain what I would call "supernova" knowing that he is "the one." My parents are watching a movie now, I'm not a real fan of movies so I'm just in my room listening to music as I write. Max is usually getting into trouble by my mother as he barks at the television of the loud noises coming from the movie. I wonder if he too wishes for freedom as much as me.
Sincerely, Alanis.

Tuesday, 28 April, 2015

Dear Whatever,
So much has happened in just these two days. I'm trembling with fear with after what just happened to myself. My parents left to go walk and all of a sudden the alarm goes off in the house. I try to put in the password but it doesn't stop! I call my father and as I try to explain to him, he starts to sound even more aggressive as my failed attempts of turning off the alarm don't work. Then I get a call, I didn't know it would be from the security so I decided not to answer and after that, my father hangs up. I feel relieved then I get another call from the security, I answer it, then am explained how it was a false alarm and that the police won't come. Then my father barges in, grabs me by the hair, and yanks me right in front of the house alarm.
He yells at me, "What is the alarm code!"
I answer with an "I don't know reply."
Then my dad asks again, this time yelling, "What is the alarm code?!"
I guess and somehow say the correct passcode. He asks why I didn't do that and my answer is that I was never taught of a drill if something such as an emergency were to happen. Then it started, he seemed to rage in fury and bombard me with these aggressive comments on how I am stupid, idiotic, and dumb in not knowing what to do. I knew that I was about to cry but I didn't even dare to. After a couple minutes he decided to punish me by taking my phone and my iPad and then my parents left me alone in the house as they went to take a walk around the neighborhood. After when I knew they were long gone, I bursted out crying as I did my homework, I shouted cruel things at myself, and again I just wanted to die. There is nothing I can do to stop tears rushing down my face until I hear them come back in the house and that's when I stopped crying and went back to homework. I made no eye contact and a while later at around 7ish my dad comes in. He asks, "do you want your phone back?"
At hearing him ask me a question in a slightly softer tone rather than aggressive made me even more scared. I started trembling and placed my hand above my eyebrows to shield myself from any eye contact. My father asked me if I had a headache and I replied with a frightful "no." Then he asked again if I would like my phone again and I replied with a frail "yes." Then he leaves the room to go get my electronics and I just lay on my bedroom floor afraid of trying to patch things up between the fight.
Once he gives me my electronics, I immediately open up the chatting app to see if I had new messages. I was bombarded with many people on the app asking if I was okay because if was very unlikely that I wouldn't reply for so long. Then I saw that "he" had messaged me and I felt relieved, I talked with him then told him what happened. He was pretty upset then told me to wait a moment. I will tell the rest of the details when I feel comfortable sharing about it, but now is not a very good time. Anyways, today was one of the worst days of my life, or maybe it is an exaggeration for something even worse to happen? What do you think?
Sincerely, Alanis.