(Disclaimer: this is a FAST burn, because I have goldfish attention span teehee)
You were boredddd
Today was your break day, gnarly.
... exept you didn't know what to do
Soooooo you went to the park! You've always been in need of some fresh air anyways.
Yeah, you were always at least 10m near spinach incarnate and literal pondscum and the park was littered in garbage but the air there was wayyyyy fresher than any place in Dialtown, including your workplace.
Running towards the park you expected to be met only with peace and quiet
But were instead greeted by the loud screeschi of a man and the squonking of a nearby swan.
Knowing best than to head towards certain death, you went towards the murder-screams made by the man, only to realize that the swan was the cause of all the pain.
So you stared at fowards with your very-likely-not-made-of-flesh head and saw a scene that looks like it was ripped straight from some sort of crackfic dating sim:
a young nokia headed man getting f^cled over and getting his ass kicked in by a swan.
So yeah, it seems your day to unwind will be spent helping some random randy
Welp... no point in complaining...
Letting out a small sigh you withered foxy dove head-first into the swan and threw it on a tree. Watcha gon do now.... why is it not doing anything can't it fly down?
"H-hey! You're the only person to do that, usually people just... stare and let it happen"
Awww, no baby- I mean... yeah, poor guy'n'junk, haha...
"So uh, mind telling me why you were getting beat up by that there tree swan?"
"Oh! Uhm, I work as a swan wrangler actually... I was attempting to beat that swan but it won like it always does"
As much as that sentence portraid the guy as a pathetic, weak man you had to admit he seemed like a nice guy
+ you lowkey wanted to comfort him due to what he said earlier than that... the thing about others just watching- you do remember that, right?
"Okay, well, do you want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
Oh right, he can't read your thoughts
"... well, about this- as in 'what happened in life for you to end up here in the park, brooding in the fetal positon on the ground and talking to a literal stranger?"
"Weeeeell... It kinda... uhh- h-happened when I was just a baby! You hear that shit stranger?! I was born a child!!!"
"Hm, tragic."
It might've sounded like you were being rude but in reality you were just hyperfocusing on the confused swan trying to use its feet claws to get down from the tree. A truly enticing sight.
Anyways yeah, this ended up making you tune out the seemingly ceasless ranting of 'high-school drama' and 'a school companion of his who he believed worked at the cinema' the guy was going on and on about.
You only snapped out of it -and realized you were completely distracted- when the pond deamone managed to free itself from the y-axis having wood cage, gave you an intimidated glare and promptly ran away from your presence. Coward.
By now, he had stopped ranting about whatever he remembered about his past and you could tell he was getting to the juicy part due to the fact that he was taking his schweet time with the narration.
"Okay, so, since my dad was starting to call me a pussy for never stepping out of my comfort zone and basically not even knowing what Bde is (I still don't know what it is to this day-) I decided to go on a date!
The date was with my then-girlfriend Lola (that's her canon name as far as I know - it's what's written in the wiki but it has no source sooo)
We decided to go to the funfair, because it was nice and bright and she was a very social person who enjoyed fun and loud places...
Anyways yeah- minutes pass and now it's been 44 minutes by now and all we've done is walk around looking for a ride I was brave enough to go on.
Since I was -and still am- very pusillanimous I wouldnt be able to go on any ride faster than stationary...
Buuuuut, (un)lucky me, there was a nice, quiet ride in a quiet corner.
From what I could see around me nobody else seemed to even be willing to get close to the machine and that caused it to gain a dusty appearance
I- um- well... I don't really like to talk about this part so I- I'll just say it quickly-" He then took a deep breath "UHH-well- basicallythemachinefellonmyfootandwholebody
&whenIgotupallhazyIaccidentallygropedmyGfsoshepushedmeagainstarock... whichfuckedmyhead87style... soIhadtobesenttotheERtorackuphospitalbillsofc and... hhhhh... and thedoctortherewasLola'sfaherandheput'fuckface' on. My.... head bandage"
Lmao good luck reading all that and I wish the best to Randal to regain his poor ass breath.
"Wow... I- did- you... you actually told me, a person you don't even know the name of, the story of your life-
By the way- what's your name?"
"Oh! I-it's- ummm Randy"
Oh, so he was a random randy in the literal sense.
"Cool, I'm ______."
"..."
"..."
"Uhhh- you seem pretty dishelved from reminicing all of your life's events and you're lowkey kinda cute sooooo.... wanna go somewhere to let you calm down? As a kind of date?"
"!!!"
"Hey, what's wrong-"
But he cut you off by moving closer to you and gripping your shoulders... slightly harshly tbh
"Are y-did you just ask me on a...D A T E?"
"Uhh, kinda?"
"... *squealing intensifies*"
AWWWWWW HE- HE SQUEALS WHEN HE'S HAPPY WHERE ARE VOICE ACTORS WHEN YOU NEED THEM yeah I know you're all probably thinking: " authorperson, you wrote that line of dialog, why are you so happy?" & my answer to that I... am a hardcore Randy simp, no more no less.
"Great! How about we meet at this new place named Mono-Café at... I'll let you decide the time"
"H-how about now? I don't really have anything to do... or anywhere to go"
"... sooooo, wanna walk there together?"
"Yeah, I would like that very much"
So you stood up - since you had to lay down because you knew he was gonna rant - and impulsively grabbed his hand.
Thankfully he seemed to not mind negatively - you could tell that he was exited (... exited you say?) and flushed that someone would actually be able to stand his violence-stench and the extreme clumsiness he possesses.
Anyways, getting back on track, you two started walking together, hand in hand towards the thrifty burger place.
('But McDonalds is a thrifty bunch' if you get this, you're gnarly)
(Anyways, I'm gonna write the date another day, another chapter)
YOU ARE READING
You comfort Randall; & date him because you like Man-losers
FanfictionExactly what the title says lads
