This Time Around

When she arrived she had been happy, elated, excited, just over the moon. The transplant had been successful and Tovah, after the whole ordeal, was pregnant. Everything was great, better than great. It had been a beautiful and wonderful miracle. She had been able to turn Tovah's dream into reality. But sometimes dreams become nightmares. No matter how much you push there's no happy ending, at least not the happy ending you want. And she has lived through her fair share of unhappy endings. Why would this one surprise her? Why would this time be different?

***

Addison had come to check on the pregnancy only to find out things had gone wrong. She cared very much about the transplant being ok, about saving the uterus. However, saving the pregnancy... saving the baby was much more important than the transplant itself. She had worked hard to give Tovah the opportunity to have a baby fathered by her deceased husband. And she had managed to get her this far but there was a clot. A blockage that put the brakes on Tovah's wish.

The defeat had hit hard, clouding her better judgment until a certain blonde came along. Meredith had offered a solution to keep both the uterus and, more than likely, the fetus alive. It was a long shot as anything that had to do with this transplant had been but it was their one shot. Tovah's one chance at having what she had sacrificed so much for.

Things had been going well. The surgery was going amazingly. They finished and everything looked great, good blood flow and rosy hues. Everything was fine with the uterus, however, the fetus, the baby, didn't make it. They had tried so hard but the baby was gone. Addison lost her cool for a moment, sending the tray behind her flying, taking her professionalism along with it.

She heard Meredith's voice behind her, which made her calm back down from the overwhelming rage at the inability to do this one thing. The OR was quiet when she turned back to the operating table, aside from the sound coming from the monitors. After a deep breath she began to do the D&C, and got the tiny fetus out.

***

All three attendings scrubbed out quietly. Even within the OR the silence remained as people walked out with heavy shoulders. It was as if everyone was on the same wavelength, contemplating and honoring the life of a tiny person who had never had the chance to take a breath. Richard, Meredith and her were finishing when the silence was abruptly interrupted by the slamming door as Catherine made her way in.

"Meredith Grey." The woman spoke harshly and Addison felt a surge of anger.

"Catherine, I can't do this right now." Meredith replied quickly, her voice wavering.

"You would leave this place right when—" Catherine continued and Addison just didn't need that now.

"Catherine—" She tried but the woman turned to her and snapped.

"Do not interrupt me!" Catherine shouted and before Addison could say what she was dying to say Meredith interjected.

"Please don't talk to her that way. You are not her boss nor are you mine." The blonde defended quickly.

"Boss?!" Catherine spat indignantly.

"Excuse you?" Richard pointlessly chirped behind her.

Addison felt her blood boil. She was trying her hardest to keep her mouth shut. But both Catherine and Richard and everyone who thought Meredith owed the hospital were getting on her nerves. And then there was Tovah and her baby. Her baby who would never come to be. Would never smile or cry or walk or play.

"This is about honor. This is about the standing of this hospital." Catherine seethed but Addison didn't want to keep listening to this.

"Okay, can we not do this?" She said as calmly as she possibly could.