Innit kids trauma V.1//Goldenduo

Divorce/j

-

It was about eight or nine in the night and Purpled wasn't at home at the moment. He was at the Beloved's household having tea with Tubbo while Ranboo was at Phil's with Michael and their chicken. Meanwhile, Tommy was at home with Shroud, Clementine and Dogchamp. He (tried to make) made dinner for them.

—

"Shroud!" Tommy yelled when Shroud hit the spoon of rice away.

"NO! It's yucky!" Shroud yelled. Tommy picked up a napkin to clean the rice. He was on the verge of losing his shit.

"I don' wan' ittt" Clementine whined. She slid the plate over to Tommy and rested her head on the table. "I wan' mamaaa" She whined.

Tommy picked up his phone, trying his best to calm down. He said a quick prayer before hitting call.

—

"Tommy? Is everything okay?" Purpled asked.

"No- the kids won't eat my rice-"

"Wow you actually cooked." Purpled said, actually sounding surprised.

"Purp you're not helpinggg," Tommy whined. "Pleasee-"

"What did you even make?"

Tommy paused.

"Um... rice?"

"Shroud and Clementine love rice?"

There was a pause.

"Did you make anything else with it?"

"No-"... "I could bake some potatoes with it?-"

A muffled "NO!" could be heard barely a second after Tommy finished.

Purpled giggled quietly.

"You're so stupid, uh, how'd you make the rice Tommy?"

"Rice? Rice and salt?"

"Just that? I make it like that..." Purpled paused and began to think.

There was a pause .

"I mean... it said 'use a teaspoon' but like- I only found a tablespoon-"

"WHAT?"

Tubbo jumped slightly.

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A TABLESPOON IS? I'M COMING HOME NOW YOU BITCH, DO NOT FEED THEM ANYTHING," He yelled while getting up and grabbing his hoodie. He cut the line.

"Tubbo, I have to go now, thanks for the tea. This was so much fun." He said, tone softer. "I really have to get going before Tommy poisons my kids."

They walked over to the door.

"Heh, I know how it is. Same thing with Ranboo y'know."

Purpled put on his shoes as Tubbo opened the door for him.

"So, tomorrow at three?" Tubbo asked. Purpled nodded.

"Yeah, see you then, Tubbo." Purpled said walking off.

"Good luck!" Tubbo laughed back before closing the door.

—

Purpled got home and was tackled by two children hugging his legs.

"MAMA! PAPA'S TRYNA FEED US POISONN" Shroud whined into Purpled's legs.

"Yeah 'Ama!" Clementine yelled.

Purpled kneeled down and kissed both of them on the head.

"Let's go talk with your dad, okay?"

—

Tommy was in the kitchen, panickingly throwing away the rice while being barked at by Dogchamp for almost poisoning his siblings before Purpled came into the kitchen. Tommy prayed to XD and then quickly turned around as Dogchamp approached Purpled and licked him.

"Hey loveee, how was your tea with Tubbo?" He asked, walking over slowly.

"Where's the rice, asshole?" He hissed. Dogchamp walked back-mischievously, Tommy assumed.

Tommy knew better than to swear back at him when he's mad so he awkwardly brought Purpled the plates he fed them from.

Purpled grabbed a piece and carefully put it in his mouth before coughing and gagging up a storm.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?-"

Tommy grabbed him some water.

"Look, love, I-"

"We're filing a divorce, now. I swear to God you are trying to kill my kids-" He obviously meant it as a joke. But it doesn't seem Tommy took as a joke 'cuz as soon as he said that, Tommy's eyes widened.

"NO- Purpled please, love, sweetheart, honey-"

Purpled ignored him and threw the rice out, after chugging his water. He began cooking some new rice and also some sausage while Tommy clung onto his waist from behind, swearing that he would never commit such a sin ever again and swore to become a better man. (If he even was one to begin with.)

"TOMMY- ACK- let me gooo-" Purpled yelled, attempting to squirm out of Tommy's grip. But Tommy, his shit of a husband, clung onto him tighter.

"Not until you tell me it's okayy- please Purpled I swear-" He continued to ramble on.

"OKAY FINE! Holy shit Tommy..."

"YES!" Tommy yelled.

"Go apologize to our fucking kids before I change my mind. Now shoo-" Purpled said sternly.

—

Purpled finished cooking, his cooking served as therapy for his *traumatized* kids.

"Mama?" Clementine asked.

"Yes baby?" Purpled asked, looking up from his food. Clementine leaned in closer.

"'P'ease never 'et Papa cook fo' us again" she whispered. Tommy let out an offended gasp.

"Come on Clem- it wasn't that bad." Tommy said.

"Mama..." Shroud said quietly "I feel sick"

—

Tommy was permanently banned from the kitchen ever since.

-