Ive been sat here for what feels like an eternity, surrounded with cobwebs and the lost but not forgotten memorirs of you. Everytime I close my eyes i see your face and gasp thinking you had returned but im soon dissappointed when I realise it was just a dream. It's been so long I cant decide what hurts more, the fact your gone or the helplesness of knowing there is nothing i can do to bring you back nothing to ease the pain, nothing to lessen the shame (of being the reason your gone).
I remmember being so young and wreckless no clue that my impulsivity could lead to a devastation like this one. I remmember just strolling around town with you and some other friends. However often it felt like we were strangers despite years of spending days on end on the couch of eachothers houses. Us two were always the outcasts of the group the others could say were higher up on the hazardous chain of popularity. We wished to be like them but with countless attempts we tragically failed. So when the oppourtunity to change that (what felt like an impossible goal) to finally be accepted as anything than a sad loser approached we bit there hands at that chance. If only we knew that what laid in that hand was the route of such evil. The hand that played the future of both me and you...
We reached out towards the hand inside it was a lighter and a weed cigarette. In our minds we knew this wasnt responsible but if we didn't we would remain the outcast the sad loners of society. So we took it... When I took the first blow my worries settled slightly i did not feel no different . So I assumed you felt the same however how wrong was I.
The night ended shortly after and we all parted seperate ways home. Days passed no calls everytime I phoned it reached voicemail. You must have been busy right? We are just teenager's after all. This wasnt the case it was late a week since that night i recieved a phone call. I still remmember the sound of your voice never had I heard so much pain.You tell me "the last couple of days have been rough that weed has messed me up (stutters) later that night i just craved that taste again one more blow was all i needed to fufill satisfaction but the need for the weed got bigger". I hear a thud I screemed and screemed after a while i phoned an ambulance to your address. You were dead who knew one mistake could lead to this. The truth was for weeks you were suffering alone and i did nothing to save you.
My best friend gone all because of a lighter...
