Always Been You

Chapter One

The first man that ever left me was my dad.

He kissed my forehead and whispered softly into my ear, "One day you'll understand." I shook my head but it was too late, he'd already slipped away into the night.

My mum ran to her bedroom, slamming the door shut with a rage I'd never deemed her capable of. Sobs followed. It were the sort of sob that comes from deep within a person. It's like their soul is crying out.

I hadn't heard her cry as loud as that since grandmother died a year prior. I found myself confused- was she angry or upset? I didn't even know which one I was.

After a few minutes, the deep noise of a car engine echoed through the house. I felt it through the floor boards, rising up through my body. The beat of my heart matched its tempo. Knowing it was dad, I began to run to the door. Ivy grabbed my arm, yanking me away.

"Let him go," she demanded.

I shook my head. Ivy tightened her grip on my arm and I screamed. She threw me into my room with such a force that a ringing started in my ears. I couldn't even pull myself up so I just lay there, defeated.

All at once the sound of a chair hitting the handle of my door came from the outside. She'd shut me in.

From where I lay I had the perfect view of the bedroom window overlooking the drive. My vision was blurry but I fought with everything I could to catch one last glimpse of him. Where I expected to see my dad - in the drivers seat - I saw a woman. She looked just like my mother - blonde curls and glamorous for someone living in the conditions we did - except she was younger and looked to be from the city. My dad sat in the passenger seat, his arm draped across the woman's shoulder in a way I'd seen him do to mother many times.

Who was she? What was she doing sitting with my dad, looking too comfortable in his company? It was like they knew eachother but I'd never seen her before. I couldn't make sense of it.

As the car sped away, for a quick moment, my dad's eyes met mine. I could never explain how I felt in that moment. By the time I finally blinked he was gone.

After some hours, my mum took the chair away from my door and sat down beside me on my bed. She had stopped crying now. She placed her hands on either side of my face, holding it up to look at her.

"You listen to me, April," mum said, "don't you ever trust a man. No matter what he says. You promise me that."

I looked up into her sorrowful eyes and nodded whilst I swallowed back tears.

"Say it."

"I promise." Gently, she placed a kiss on my forehead, replacing dads.

From then on, it was just me, mum and Ivy. We never spoke about dad again. One night, when mum finally went out with her friends after months of her shutting herself in her room all day, Ivy and I got all of the things dad left and threw them into a big black bag. It felt so powerful. So freeing.

There was a yellow tie amongst it all. I had bought the tie for him for his birthday out of the change I got for trading in some clothes that no longer fit me. Knowing he'd chosen to it leave behind sent a sense of anger I'd never felt before throughout my body. I hadn't even felt as angry when he left.

"I hate him," I whispered, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

"Say it louder," Ivy told me, picking up the yellow tie and handing it to me.

"I hate him!"

"Louder."

"I hate him!" I screamed, before shoving the tie into the black bag and giving it one powerful kick.