I Shouldn't Be Awake

Why Am I Still Here?

Warning for those of you who didn't read the tags, the main focus of this oneshot is a suicide attempt. This is based off something that happened to me pretty recently. It's just my way of venting. But enough of my rambling, on with the story!

(This isn't really important but that bee up there is Buzz, and he's wonderful, a good friend of mine.)

—————

 You didn't know what to do anymore. You were tired, though you weren't quite sure what of. Probably just life in general. It was never fun, watching your friends have the time of their lives, never aging, and living in their youth forever. Well, it wasn't like you were any different, you were still young, just as they were. And despite the day never changing, it had gotten increasingly overwhelming with each passing day.

It had recently gotten a whole shit ton worse. To the point you didn't even want to be there anymore. Leaving the loop wouldn't kill you as you hadn't been there long enough. But you still had medicine, you'd just overdose before bed. You wouldn't wake up.

You wrote a note, trying not to let your tears fall on the page so as not to smudge the words. You set it on your nightstand next to a newly empty bottle of pills, somewhere they'd easily find it. You then laid down on your back in the middle of the bed, not even bothering to get under the blanket before falling asleep for what would be the last time.

—————

Except it wasn't. To your shock, and pure horror, you woke up. But you quickly realized you weren't alone in the room. Miss Peregrine was there as well, crying as she held your note to her chest. "W-what..?" You whispered, your throat sore, and your head pounding as you sat up. Miss P pulled you into a rib crushing hug when she found you were awake.

"I-I thought I lost you! Why would you do this?! Y/n, how could you do that to me?!" You couldn't respond, so instead you just cried in her arms until your eyes burned. You knew your life would never be the same. And you didn't know what to do about it.

For the next few days it felt like everyone was waking on eggshells around you and you hated it. You understood why they'd be doing so, but you couldn't help but feel out of place. You knew very well they talked about you while you weren't around. Just as you knew they'd 'secretly' arranged a schedule so that someone was around at all times.

Miss Peregrine began tucking you in every night, something she never used to do as you were too old for that. She also started checking on you, multiple times every single night. You only knew this because you'd pretended to be asleep when she walked in. You felt bad for keeping her up every night, but you weren't sure how to approach her without letting her know you couldn't really sleep at night.

—————

 I know, it's short. But I didn't want to get into too much detail. Hope that didn't suck. I've had this written out for a few days now, but I wasn't sure if I should post this or not as I don't want anyone to worry.