Herbert West's Cure for Erectile Dysfunction

Can't Get it Up

It was a typical Tuesday evening. The sky was cerulean and clear as day, troves of corn surrounded the wheat-hued fields, and the wind was picking up pace. But that was no matter for Mr. Herbert West. Herbert had only one thing on his mind. And it was getting his lover, Dan Cain's, penis into his boinking-hole.

Rows and shucks of corn loomed amongst the two naked lovers as they began yet another homosexual tryst. Both of them came to some middle-of- nowhere small town in the decrepit midwest in order to do some "scientific research"...but of course, everyone needed a little break once in a while. Their clothes were scattered around them - some on the grass, some caught on the beautiful yellow vegetables surrounding them.

But there was one problem in this idyllic scene. Herbert's penis was risen as high as the cornstalks amidst the field, but Dan's was flaccid.

No matter how much they puckered and groped each other, no matter how many times they touched their skin erotically, Dan's little meaty lover was still hopelessly flaccid. Not even the beautiful midwestern scenery around them could encourage the little boy to come up. In hopes of "raising" his lover's spirit, Herbert got up from his knees and walked over to the cornstalks, picking a bright golden vegetable from its stalk and pulling the shuck apart. Dan asked, "Herbie, what in the world are you doing?!". Reluctantly, Herbert, with his absentminded gaze, replied "You'll see, my little protozoa.". Grunting and shoving, Mr. West lowered the corn into his own tight hole. "MMPH!" he screeched. "How do you like that Danny boy?" Herbert proclaimed. He began to seesaw the corn between his plump cheeks.

Dan stared blankly into the endless sea of corn ahead of him. Not only did he have a dead, thousand-yard stare - his cock was still stubbornly refusing to go hard. "Herbert" he said slowly, "What the fuck." He then sighed, and rubbed his forehead in exasperation, "Look, honey, I don't know if I can do this any more. I-I just...this is the third time and it's not getting up. I tried Viagra and every other pill on the market. Maybe my manhood is just gone now."

Nonsense. Herbert West was not the kind of man to be deterred by silly human conditions like "death" or "erectile dysfunction". He was brilliant. He had ideas. Ideas that worked. Suddenly, Herbert's mind achieved metamorphosis. He ripped the Zea mays out of his hairy ass hole and ran to his special suitcase that he always carried around with him - his special science suitcase. Digging through the sections and pockets of the bag, stumbling upon piles of flasks, he finally found his most handsome tool hidden beneath everything else. To call it handsome was an understatement. It was more than that, it was indescribable, it was cathartic. Lifting the neon-viridescent syringe with his right hand, he reached into his needle-pouch with another. Pulling a singular needle from it, he inserted the needle into the syringe.
"Herbert. This is the hundredth time I will ask, but what in the absolute fuck are you doing?". Herbert smirked all-knowingly.

"I inject this into me all the time, Dan. It's fine. As long as I get the dosage correct, it'll be fine. I promise. You yourself said nothing else is working for you - here is your solution" Herbert calmly approached Dan with the needle as if he wasn't batshit insane.

"Herbert, I love you. But you do a lot of weird shit and this crosses the goddamn line. If you inject that stuff into my penis I...I just don't know. I want to make you happy. I love you so much and you know how - how frustrated I am. With my...issues. I really want you to be happy. But I..." A cacophony of confusing, painful emotion was bubbling up inside of Dan. He knew he was doing it again - going along with Herbert's dumbass schemes. And every single time it went horribly wrong. But when you find that special person, you'd be willing to do anything.

Dan sighed in exasperation, again. "..Okay."

Herbert knelt down with the needle and lifted his partner's disappointingly flaccid penis. "Have you even injected a penis before?" Dan asked. "No," Herbert replied, "But I did a Google search on it recently." He took his syringe, positioned it on the juicy, girthy side of the ween, right below the head, and carefully injected the exact dosage that he probably thought would work the best maybe. He liked to calculate in his head.