kaku had never really thought about 'love'. to him, it was sort of an abstract thought, something he didn't even acknowledge unless somebody talking to him had brought it up to him.
he didn't remember his childhood; it was a blur. growing up, he doesn't remember having a mother or a father, somebody to bond with- somebody to look up to and take after as an adult. all he can remember is hints of his grandparents, teaching him minor aspects of ships and all the sorts- showing him the ropes, if you will.
so; it was not really a surprise that he didn't think of love. parental or not. that was only deepened further as he joined cp9- growing up to be a ruthless, quiet assassin, only devoted to killing and obeying the government. he didn't have time to love- or even be a real, emotional person.
well, until he got assigned the mission.
work as a shipwright, be a person, put what work he could remember as a child into real use! of course, the catch being he was obviously still an agent of the government, and had to use the mission as a way to gather intel about the weapon- pluton.
so, he joined 'galley-la company'. lucci, and by extension, kalifa too. he could really be a person- the real 'kaku', if you would. not to break character or anything, but he felt as if he could be true to himself, find a way to stop being so emotionally distant and void.
love wasn't on his mind, obviously.
well- he supposed that meeting paulie, the gambling addicted, booze drinking, loud mouthed paulie. maybe then, the thought passed through his mind.
their relationship wasn't anything special at first, paulie didn't seem like the best guy to talk with. his loud, brash nature was something that made it hard- and lucci's constant rude remarks about the guy made it all the harder for kaku to talk to him- build what could be considered a friendship with him.
until he did. small conversations turned into drinking sessions at blueno's, walks along the back alleys, and late night trips to gambling houses which ended with him and paulie running to his house and collapsing on his barren wooden floor, faces sweaty but small giggles coming from kaku.
he really felt that this kaku could be one that he wanted to be- one where he could feel human again. but- the looming cp9 mission always came back. he wasn't supposed to FEEL human, BE human.
their first kiss was in paulie's apartment. kaku could taste the ash in his mouth from paulie's discarded cigar as their lips clashed- before the kiss ended; both of them with faces red and a spew of embarrassment following.
kaku wasn't supposed to fall in love. but he did. something about paulie captivated him, made him want to stop being the kaku of cp9- and be the kaku of galley-la company. but that was stupid logic, wasn't it?
their second kiss was in the dock, tucked behind some buildings, kaku stuck beneath paulie's arms- pinned against the hard, metal wall. it gave him butterflies. embarrassing; he felt like a 16 year. but- he felt love. something new. something he wished he could feel again- something he craved.
so, when him and paulie walked home, both half drunk and half awake, the answer to the question paulie asked was answered with a yes.
he woke up in paulie's bed. underneath the other man's arms- hardly realising what he had agreed to last night. then, he remembered. to be paulie's boyfriend. he had said yes.
he could feel lucci's gaze as paulie attempted to wrap his arms around him at the dock, kaku letting out a nervous laugh and a mumble of 'maybe later' before slowly walking the opposite way, desperate to avoid lucci's impending confrontation.
it didn't really succeed- lucci had given him a stern warning and a few jabs that evening. kaku knew he was wrong for what he had done, interrupting the mission- but something about paulie was addicting.
'you're fired'. what a paulie thing to say, he laughed to himself as he lay there, unable to move. he had loved- but of course, betrayal was in his nature. the kaku of galley-la company wouldn't last.
letting out one last small laugh he mused, but he wished he had. he wished he could still be the kaku who had first experienced love, and work as a shipwright in water 7. but of course, that was just a silly fantasy.
kaku would always be a member of cp9.
paulie would never betray galley-la company.
kaku would.
