Small Inconsistencies

Inconsistencies

It was the little inconsistencies that you loved most about Jade.

The little inconsistencies in her behavior. Her stance. Her attitude and sarcasm. The way she treated you and the way she treated everyone else. It was a fact that you see a side of your partner that not many other people see. The vulnerable, the raw, the human that hid behind the public façade which she used to hide her feelings, her longing to be close to you; but there was another side that you didn't like so much, you already knew that dating someone would not be easy, and dating Jade of all people was not an exception to this. The jealousy, the unending need for control, the threats and the violence.

It started with the smallest things, of course. The banter and barbs were reduced to mostly harmless jabs. The sarcasm had a slight bounce to it, an air of humor. The butterfly kisses on your shoulder after a dig for your antics. A balm of sweetness in her laugh as she curved her voice into her Sweet Sally Peaches accent. The black roses in your locker, and the sweet notes during Sikowitz's classes.

Yet every good side has a bad.

The jealousy she showed when someone was close. Her need for control driving her to interrogate you of your whereabouts at all times. The bruises people would receive if they looked at you with loving eyes or dared put a finger on you. She did not like to share her things with anyone, she did not let anyone touch what belonged to Jade West. If anyone did, they had to face a pair of razor-sharp scissors that slash at the speed of light with relentless precision.

The light behind her eyes danced for you and no one else. It made perfect sense the way your heart grew to embrace hers, but for others those bright eyes that you saw, others saw death, or worse.

You occasionally chided yourself when you were younger: "This is a honeymoon phase, teen romance doomed.", thinking that you had fooled yourself, or that you had fooled her, or that in one way or another, you were both the fools. Stupid, young and in love.

But the captivating smile that lay dormant behind every comment of hers showed that you were wrong for the rest of high school. For you she had a bright and loving smile, with gentle words that were only for your ears, but for others, they were of death and anger.

College came and so did her offer to move into a small apartment off campus. It was such an easy decision, that you were both packed two weeks before the moving date. She also started therapy in hopes of figuring out her compulsive jealousy. It had not been very difficult to convince her, because you knew that she would do anything you asked of her.

With anyone else, she showed an aura of superiority, darkness, she was inaccessible to those who did not know her; but with you she was a puppy who listened to any order you gave her, that aura that everyone saw in her now became love, vulnerability, nerves.

Living together was an adjustment, but then came the bigger things, of course. The bigger inconsistencies came in the way she woke up with you, the way she relaxed with you, the way she walked through the apartment, slowly making it your apartment.

The immediate rush to get up before someone barged in, or before the alarm went off, had all but faded. With her came the dawn of lazy morning kisses, the discovery of her greatest weakness - being the little spoon, and the discovery of your greatest weakness - her, bathed in the pale glow of the waking world. Some mornings surprising you with breakfast in bed, made with all her love, some others you wake her up with an Eskimo kiss and a cup of coffee. Every morning by her side was perfect and you prayed that they would never end.

The afternoons became your comfort away from the world. Luke-warm, pointless bickering over what to watch, falling asleep, melting into her side after she inevitably gives in to a cheesy rom-com courtesy of your pout, slow, soft kisses hidden between sleepy smiles and less-than-average on-screen dialogue.