The Wicked and the Blessed (Priest!Levi x FemReader)

Sainthood is Not for the Faint of Heart

TW: Mentions of mental (parent/child) abuse present

Levi's mother had passed away before he was even old enough to make a clear memory of her, he only knew her from the pictures, and the pedestal his father had talked her up on. He knew from a young age that his father never wanted children, and Levi was simply a burden. Somehow, his father believed if he'd never been born, his mother would have never died. As if God had exchanged the two of them.

Although Levi was aware of his fathers seething hate for him, it didn't stop him from trying to appease his father. He'd never admit it, but he'd hoped that one day he'd be able to have a relationship with his father.

From his first memory, he'd seen little boys playing with their fathers. Throwing the ball, sitting atop their fathers shoulders as they walked around the grocery store. When he was younger, Levi never understood why his father didn't want to spend time with him like that.

When he was four was the first time he remembered his father pushing him away. They'd been walking in a home repair store, looking for some plaster for the new hole in the wall. His father had run out of photos of his mother to cover them, so now it was time to repair them.

The store was crowded on a Saturday afternoon, grown men almost stepping on the four year old boy, who was desperately trying to stay close to his father. He felt like he was going to get pulled into the tide of handymen. His fingers quickly wrapped around his fathers hand, hoping to be anchored in place, the fear of being swallowed was starting to disappear, and the feeling of anxiety was dwindling.

"I can't grab things when you're holding on to me like that, Levi," his father was harsh, yanking his hand away.

This was the first instance of rejection Levi had ever felt, it was overwhelming. He couldn't wrap his little mind around why this made him feel sad. He saw other little kids holding their dad's hand. Was he that unwanted?

From that day forward he'd learned to do things on his own, to not drown in a sea of people every time he and his father went out. He never reached for anyone, he never wanted to feel that pain again. Oftentimes when that memory made its way back into his mind, he could still feel the ache. Levi may have grown up and understood his fathers hatred, but four year old Levi still wondered why the man he looked up to didn't love him.

He ended up being a good kid. He rarely got in trouble, he worked hard, he got good grades. In all reality, he was the textbook version of a perfect child.

Levi never really had to try, mostly everything came naturally to him. He didn't have to study too hard, or have to force himself to be good at anything, he just was. The only thing that Levi had trouble with was making friends, but was it really a problem, when he didn't want any friends? He couldn't feel the burn of rejection if he didn't put himself out there.

He'd spent most of his life alone, locked away in his room. It wasn't that he particularly loved his room, but he needed a barrier between him and his father, he couldn't bear to spend more than five minutes alone with him, and his father felt the same about Levi.

He'd begun to believe he didn't belong anywhere, the world didn't seem to have a place where he fit. He was the lone puzzle piece to a puzzle that had been thrown away long ago. He didn't know if he wanted more, nor did he believe he deserved more than he had. It was hard not to believe the terrible things a parent says to you.

Levi tried his best to spend his days at school, participating In scholarly activities. Math club, science club, he took part in multiple foreign languages, which was ironic, considering the lack of communication in his life.