A Taste Of You

Hadley

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"Hadley..." Sam's voice cracked as he took a few steps back, in complete shock.

My eyes narrowed at him with sadness, anger, and other emotions I couldn't even describe. He should've known this was coming. We would never work out with our parents being involved in an affair together.

My father, Jason St. Clair, had an affair with Sam's mom. Sam and I ended up having the same class, and he recognized my last name. He knew this whole time that my father was Jason, but still chose to stay. His own mother even knew, my parents knew, everybody knew.

Expect for me.

Nobody told me. I knew they had an affair, I just didn't know who the woman was. Everybody said that 'it was for my own safety' to not know that it was Sam's mother, but after figuring it out, I've never felt so much pain.

I felt so much pain, for me. Not for my father, my mother, or the Bennett family. For me. Me and Sam. We developed a friendship at the beginning of the school year, and it's our senior year of high school. It's not close to the end of the year, and Sam and I fell in love. We dated, for crying out loud, but that had to stop.

My father and his mother did this to us. I want to love Sam, so much, but I can't. Because my father couldn't keep it in his fucking pants.

I just glared at Sam, tears rolling down my face. I was surprised I still had tears left after all of this. After finding out about the affair, I cried for a week straight. I'm surprised I can stand there and cry, without doing my ugly cry face, without gasping for air, without needing the comfort of somebody.

"Hadley, please," he began to whimpered as he stepped closer and took my hands. "Our parents mistakes can't control our lives."

"Yes, they can." I spat, turning my head away from him. I looked into the distance, at the beautiful moon. We were stood on a hill, a large hill, that gave us an incredible view of the stars and moon. This was were Sam's and I's first kiss was.

"No, Hadley. They can't. We've worked out shit like this before," He rubbed my hands, as I still made no eye contact with him. I could feel his slight smile and gaze on me. I felt terrible.

"This isn't goodbye, Sam," I explained as I held his hands tighter. I leaned in for a magical kiss, which lasted, God, who knows how long.

I let go of the kiss and saw Sam's tears roll down his face. "This is just a 'see you later'."

"I don't want to see you later," He protested as more tears left his eyes. I've never seen him cry. "I want you now."

"Sam, you need to understand that I need time." I said, pushing him away. I turned my back on him and let out a big huff. I could hear him making squeaks at times.

"I will text you when I'm ready." I said. That just made me seem like I was going to cheat on him, but we weren't official. Plus, I'm done with boys. I want to commit to Sam for the rest of my life, but I need time away.

"Hadley," He groaned as he wiped the tears away. My back was still turned to him, but I could feel his stare narrowing down on me. "I love you."

I love you. Those words stung me so hard. It hurt so bad. I felt my heart ache as I clenched the area where my heart was. I frowned, more tears coming down. I looked back at Sam and walked off slowly. I saw his hand reach for me at the corner of my eyes, but his hand began to be weak, and went back to the side of him.

I paused and stood frozen for a second. My car was down the hill, and it's white paint sparkled into my eyes.

"I love you, too, Sam Bennett." I whispered as I ran to my car.

I got into my car and immediately left. I drove way over the speed limit, but I didn't care. There was no cops past 12:00 here, so I sped up as much as possible.

I pulled over to the side of the road, the music playing was faint, and I laid back in my seat with regret.

Jesus.

It's just a guy, Hadley. I thought to myself as 'I Wanna Be Yours' by the Arctic Monkeys started playing on the radio.

How convenient. I groaned and turned the radio up to full follow, as I rolled the windows down, and started driving again.

Secrets I have held in my heart,
Are harder to hide than I thought.
Maybe I just wanna be yours,
I wanna be yours.

Fuck.

I pulled into my driveway and just sat in my car for an hour. The clock on my phone turned into 1:30pm.  I stared at it blankly, until a notification popped up on my phone.

Kat.

Kat was my childhood friend, and has been my best friend for so long now. I loved her so much, she was always there for me.

'Want to come over? Ajay is here. I can invite Sam, too, and we can have a sleepover.' The texted read. I would've loved this if I didn't just break up with Sam.

'No thank u. A lot happened, i'll txt details later. ily, tell Ajay I said hey.' I texted back.

Kat knew nothing about the affair Sam and I's parents had. I totally forgot to tell her. But Ajay knew. I'm sure his big mouth with tell his girlfriend tonight about everything.

Ajay was Sam's childhood friend. Ajay adored Kat, the way Sam adored me. It was perfect, it really was, until it all came crashing down.

Neither do Ajay or Kat know I just broke up with the love of my life, but I'll let them figure it out themselves.

I was tired, and I needed some rest for tomorrow.

Walking into the house, I was greeted by my cat, Jinx. She caressed my ankles, then lead me to her food bowl. Empty.

I re-filled her food bowl and slugged my way back upstairs.

Jumping into my bed, I felt something on my pillow. I lifted my head up and then began to hold my body up with my arms.

A photograph?

'A love stronger than no other,' the caption read. I inspected the picture to see picture of Sam and I.

-

3:00am. My phone's clock turned to 3:00am, and my hand shook with nervousness. I had been staring at the photograph for an hour now, and something about it really bothered me. I just didn't know what.

Did the sight of how happy Sam and I were bother me? Yes. Did the feeling of not being in Sam's arms right now bother me? Yes.

Yes, this, yes, that. Yes everything.

I knew I fucked up.

I want to see Sam. No, I need to see Sam. I think I might go fucking crazy if I don't.

I grabbed my cars key and threw on a hoodie on the ground. I was wearing PJ shorts, but I didn't care. I rushed out the door.

I started the car and then began to call Sam. It rang three times before he picked it up, "Um. Hello?"

"Sam, I'm coming over." I blurted out as I sped down the road.

"What the fuck?" He said. I could tell his was crying by the cracky tone in his voice. "Are you fucking crazy?"

"Crazy in love." I said. I cringed at myself, but began to pull through and sped up faster.

"If you were so 'crazy in love', you wouldn't have broken up with me." He argues. He made a valid point, but I was dumb two hours ago. I'm finally realizing my mistake.

"Yes I would have." I choked on my saliva and swallowed harshly.

"How would you know?" He questioned with a angry tone. I don't blame him.

"Because I did, and since I am crazy in love, I realize my mistake." I gripped my stirring wheel and felt my chest tighten. What was I doing?

"Fuck off, Hadley. Seriously, you've done enough." Sam managed to spit out after a few awkward and intense silence.

"Tell me to fuck off in real life," I said with courage ad I pulled into his driveway.

"I'm here."