The party was either yet to begin or somewhere in its final preparatory stages. It's fuzzy, how dreams usually are. I might've worn the same dress I'd worn earlier, except this time it fit better. I felt pretty. The sun kept phasing in and out, I couldn't tell clearly. I remember you climbing in a huge van after me. Strangely, for the size of that thing, it was just the two of us. You sat across from me.
There was the sun!
Shining its warm fuzzy light on your honeyed skin. You looked pretty enough to make me fall in love but I was still harbouring the hurt from before. I could still cry if you talked to me. I WOULD cry if you touched me.
Even after the hard time you gave me, even after all the confusion and tears... all I wanted was to hold your face and let my skin convey to yours that I'd grown fond of you. I grew fonder with every passing day.
The only consolation was that I'm still young. That it's okay to feel a certain way. I couldn't ever love one like the one my heart was sworn to but you'd come dangerously close.
In that moment, maybe it was the alcohol you got your hands on this time around, maybe it was the sun or maybe it was finally having me exactly where you might've wanted me all along. I extended my arm and you fit your face into the palm of my hand like a puppy craving to be held. I could physically feel my eyes widening and my heart sinking but somehow still racing. Is this really happening? I stroked your cheek with my thumb & you reflexly nuzzled in closer.
You'd never do this sober.
Would you have done that alone though?
The sheer jarring of the traffic around was serving the purpose of static in the background. The thump of my heavy heartbeats still roared over it all. As if you'd sensed my surprise at all of it, you stopped your sweet murmurings & stood up.
How could scary be attractive? Yet here you were towering over me, like a god.
As if to emphasise the reversal of our roles, you held my chin with one hand and lifted my head to make my eyes meet yours. Your eyes seemed to speak volumes.
"You're such a pretty girl."
But your tongue was too intoxicated to form any words. With every jerk of the rough-driven vehicle, you inched closer to me faster than I could anticipate, and there you were right in front of me, face level. I could want to look further, straighter ahead into the horizon and I'd only see your sunset-coloured eyes in the brisk daylight.
"This is it. I'm yours"
I swear I heard that.
And in a futile attempt to meet either your cheek or lips, mine ended up on the angle of your mouth. But that didn't lessen my affection. If anything, the corners of your smile were the most worthy of the wistful longing to be kissed. You sensed my inhibitions and decided to take matters into your own hands.
"Let me."
And I did. I let you.
What started as a soft reminder of all that's been so far & all that could be, soon turned into a 'Carpe Diem' manifesto. You kissed me like I was a fragile dream only to claim me like your last meal, all within moments.
I couldn't think, but I was so happy.
I couldn't think and it just made me happier.
Later that evening you'd call me over to your side, again. To reassure me that you could never get enough.
But that's a part of this dream I store away for myself.
