"There are a hundred trillion cells in the human body," she said. "And every single one of the cells of my body loves you. We shed cells, and grow new ones, and my new cells love you more than the old ones, which is why I love you more every day than I did the day before. It's science. And when I die and they burn my body and I become ashes that mix with the air, and part of the ground and the trees and the stars, everyone who breathes that air or sees the flowers that grow out of the ground or looks up at the stars will remember you and love you, because I love you that much."
when I first read this, I wanted a love like what they share. I mean, who doesn't? an eternal love, a love that is free of judgment, one that takes your breath away, and every day with them is a gift. one you never want to lose. that one person who you want to protect and love with everything that you have. but I realized that, i cant have this. this isnt something for me. my life is far to complicated. and i have someone i WANT to love like this, who i wish i could. but my heart belongs to someone it shouldnt, and as much as i lie to myself and say that it doesnt, it does. all ive ever wanted is to make those i love and care about happy. and that is why ive been lying to myself. because i cant hurt them over this. because we have plans, we have a future, and its worth it. but my heart belongs to someone else. no matter how much i love them. my heart doesnt belong to them. and im trying im really trying. im trying to move on, to make them happy, and they believe they have my heart, and they dont. because it belongs to someone else and i dont want it to.
