THE DAY HE SAID GOODNIGHT

THE DAY HE SAID GOODNIGHT 

WRITTEN BY: NYM

As soon as I entered the room, most of the people gazed upon me. Their eyes were filled with sadness and sympathy. 

My mother gave me a tight hug and ushered me in front of him.

I couldn't contained my emotions and later on I began crying endlessly. My heart was broken into a million pieces, it feels like the whole world is in my shoulders. And all I could see is grey, and nothing more because the man who showed me rainbow is now peacefully lying inside a black coffin.

I carressed my huge tummy as I looked at him. 

" You're so handsome in your tuxedo, I thought you would wear that in our wedding." I whispered.

I cried a bucket of tears that night, until I fell asleep.

"Ruth will you marry me?" his eyes glistened with love, excitement, adoration and ancipation.

I shooked my head two times and nodded five times saying…

"No… I mean yes!" his eyes grew wider and hugged me so tight. And we both laughed.

That scene faded, and another one appeared.

That very day, when he losed his job and we had a fight because he saw me talking to another guy and he thought that i would leave him because he doesn't have anything to give without even knowing that it was just my client. 

The next day he went into his parents house to asked for financial help and his father sermoned him and he returned home without a single cents. 

That's the beginning of everything.

Another scene came out. 

It was 24th day of February when my pregnancy test went positive and we were so happy for the little angel that God sent from above and we even made a simple celebration for the blessing we have received. 

I was the one working to our growing family. Because he can't find another job, because the companies that he tried to apply for a job has a high standard for everything. And his classmates from college mocked him for that, saying he has Latin honors but did not get a job for himself.

I always asked him if he's okey, and that he can always talk to me. But he kept on saying that he's okey, that he can handle all his burden and that there's no need to worry. 

And I just gave him a warm embraced even though I know there is something wrong.

The next couple of days, his behavior changed.

He became moody. And that causes our fights.  

He always overthink about my work, we often fight because of his annoying jealousy. 

And he always questioned his worth and pity himself for not be able to provide our basic needs and for not be able to help me pay the bills. But I always say to him that it's okey, that we can work things out.

"I am sorry my love… forgive me please…" he whispered underneath, his voice is full of melancholy and regret.

I tried to reach his hand but darkness slowly swallowed him.

"Hey, Ruthy wake up!" I slowly opened my eyes and gazed to my mother. 

"You're having a bad dream," she said.

I looked back and saw only his parents and my older brother talking. Our relatives and friends are now gone, maybe because they have work for tomorrow. 

I don't know if those eight nights were a nightmare or a dream. Everytime I fell asleep our memories together kept on flashing back. From the very first time that we met until his last breathe.

That was kinda suffocating but at the same time it was a breathe of fresh air. Knowing that I can still remember his face, his voice, his smile and his laughter. If only I could photograph them or record them so that I wouldn't forget about him.

It was a normal night for the both of us, he became clingy and that he wanted us to dance. That was once in a blue moon so I took the chance. He grabbed my waist gently and kissed my huge tummy. 

He played  Tahanan by Adie in our small bluetooth speaker and started moving his feet and so I followed his lead.

He even sing the song and pulled me closer to his chest while swaying slowly.

He looked at me with his weary eyes and kissed my forehead.

" You are my home, Ruth. Even in after life. Always remember that you have my heart." he whispered and kissed me on the lips.

"Me too, I love you Ryeo. So please don't leave me okey? Pinky promise?" he pinched my nose before he twined our pinky finger together.

And before I put off the lampshade he said those words that I couldn't imagine that it will be his last.

"Good night, Ruth. Sweet dreams, please dream on me." he even cracked a joke and snake his arms around my upper tummy.

And when I woke up the next day, he was no longer breathing. My world crushed down and I don't know if I could still, live my life without him by my side.

My body numbed. 

The doctors said that Ryeo died due to a massive heart attack. Maybe because of anxiety and depression that bottled up inside him.

Only if I pay more attention to him. If only I pushed myself more on asking him to open up, maybe things never turned out this way. Maybe, just maybe he's alive right now.

Regret never comes first. Because if it comes first we will never reliazed our mistakes and the things we should have done. We will never get hurt and learn; and heal.

Thunder roared like a hungry lion together with lightning. I slowly threw the sunflowers on his grave as I massage my chest because of the unbearable pain that I held inside. 

The weather sympathized with my feelings; not long after the execution of thunderbolts the rain poured down so hard as I cried on top of my lungs. 

The people around me kept on saying that I have to shelter myself from the rain because I might get sick. But I didn't mind them. 

All I could do is to stare from his gravestone, and cried until there's no tears left to cry. 

After an hour the rain stopped and mist started to envelop the place. And that's when I started walking away, hugging his picture and stared at the sun whose brightly shining; along with it is a rainbow.

I smiled weakly, I know it's hard to move on and accept the truth but i can do this. I will for our baby. I will be a great mother to our daughter.

To see the rainbow you must bear the rain.

But I guess I have to calm down the storm first.