I hold my cigarette,
while the smoke comes out and goes away.
Is that what I wanted?
Did I dream about this in my sleepless nights?
Did I really want to let off steam with smoke and alcohol?
And now more than ever,
I feel that I might die,
while the tears that I thought were over come back out.
"Why my dad left?"
I used to ask as a child,
"I should never have been born"
I say now,
but baby, I don't deserve this.
