Hi, I'm Eleanor. Eleanor Garica. I recently moved to Austin, Texas. The crisp air, relaxing water, and tall buildings is why it is a desired location. Not with how I roll.
Barking. I hate it. It's what makes me the odd one out. The sound of everyone laughing is constantly on repeat in my brain. I suck.
You might be confused. Here's a little welcome to my world. A little while ago I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. It's a condition affecting my nervous system. It causes me to have "tics'', or uncontrollable twitches, movements, or sounds. In my case, I bark.
"Miss Garcia?" I hear my teacher call, snapping me back to the present. "What do you think the answer is?"
I pause for a second. I look down and can't remove my eyes from my twitching fingers. A bark escapes my throat. Laughter echoes in my ears, each repeat growing louder and louder and louder, circling through my mind until I can barely stand it. But when could I ever stand it?
Shame sets my cheeks on fire and vomit rises in my throat, a volcano ready to erupt. My head goes down as the volume of my classmates' laughter goes up. BRRRING! sounds the bell. I dash out of the classroom with my face as red as a tomato, and rush out of the school. It's raining. The sky is a downcast gray, reflecting my mood. I take out my umbrella, concentrating on the pitter-patter of raindrops hitting it. Once I reach my house I run to my room and plop onto my huge, soft bed, getting my phone from my bedside table. My phone vibrates while a notification from Instagram appears on my screen.
My heart is shattered beyond the slightest hope of repair. The most popular girl at school, Kalani, posted a story. "Weird dog keeps barking during my class" it reads, along with a photo of me. I scroll through the comments that seem to go on forever. The more I read, the more tears trickle down my cheeks. I can't believe Kalani would do something like this! Wait- yes I could. The disabled kid isn't exactly hard to make fun of. Someone messages me on Snapchat.
"Fetch, dog" it says. I feel my phone slip out of my hand and fall to the floor with a soft thud. Tears are running down my cheek, and my eyes are red and sore. I get a notification. What is it this time? I pick up my phone from the floor, scared to look.
"I just saw what happened, I'm coming over right now!" It says. The doorbell rings, sounding like a fire alarm. How does whoever messaged me run so fast? Footsteps slowly come to my room. It's Indigo Alves, the one girl in my class who is genuinely nice to everyone she knows. I guess that has to do with her bright eyes, friendly waves, and radiant smile. She swings the door right open. I look down, avoiding eye contact.
"I just saw what Kalani did. Who would do something like that? I'm so sorry!" She exclaims. "Thanks," I say, my monotone voice threatening to falter. Her usual peppy expression takes on a frown.
"It doesn't matter what she thinks or says, as long as you know who YOU are," Indigo explains. I nod even though I disagree. "Besides, posts like that are meant to make you feel bad. To wonder what people REALLY think about you. To mold you and shape into something you're not."
"I know you're upset," she continues. I feel a bark coming, I try my best to stop it but it's like a rock falling onto you, you can't do anything about it. You're just standing there in some vulnerable position. It comes out. I expect Indigo to laugh like everyone else, but she doesn't. Her hand shifts towards my back, comforting me.
"Eleanor, I have a question for you." I signed for her to continue on. "Is everyone perfect?
"No.." I replied. A smile forms on her face.
"Exactly, everyone is special in their own way and so are you," Indigo explains. "I bet even Kalani has flaws she doesn't want discovered." Indigo adds.
"Thanks," I grin. After Indigo leaves, I'm left pondering what Indigo told me.
" I bet even Kalani has flaws she doesn't want discovered."
Suddenly, I feel almost.. cocky? I have something Kalani doesn't have. The ability to realize everyone is unique in their own ways.
A little later on in my life I decided that everyone shouldn't have to feel the way I did. I started posting inspiration quotes on my Instagram, supporting others hoping to make them feel good, and then one day I found this quote that I wish I found earlier.
"Different. The word different. Is different a good word, or a bad word? Or just a word?. Does it define you? Or does it not matter? It's what you decide. People who you are truly close with, truly friends with, and truly love you, will be there for you, and appreciate you for what you are."
5 years later I'm in high school, I'm still barking, but something else has changed. I don't care.
The narrow hallways at the high school surrounding me make it feel like I'm going to be here for an eternity.
"Hey Eleanor..." I hear a voice behind me. I turn around confused. Guess who it is. Kalani. I back up preparing for a prank.
"It's nothing bad-" She begins to say, "I want to apologize. It was unfair of me to do that-"
"My brother barks. He was diagnosed with tourtte syndrome-" Kaalani begins to say.
"Tourette Syndrome (TOE-RETTE)" I corrected her, I feel bad but still happy with myself.
"Yeah, and he's getting bullied, and I can't believe other people would do things like that, and I shouldn't have done that to you, it was rude, selfish, and just cruel of me" She explains. I struggle with what to say, she hurt me so bad, but I'm not the person to hold grudges, but neither am I the person to forgive someone that easily.
"Thanks for apologizing but it's going to take me a little while to forgive you." I state.
She nods.
"I understand."
"What's your brother's name? I think I can do something that would help" I add.
"Lucas," She replies.
"Good to know" I say, a smile starting to form on my face as I walk away.
Overnight I spend a couple hours making something to hopefully cheer Lucas up.
The following school day....
"Here" I say handing the giant poster board to Kalani. "Please know I'm still mad at you, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for Lucas. Her eyes shift to the board.
"Get better. You're awesome..." Kalani murmurs. "YOU MADE THIS FOR LUCAS!?" She screams. I nod proud of myself.
"I think someone would like to meet you," Kalani says, grabbing my hand and dragging me in the other direction.
"Where are we going?" I ask. A bark is coming out, I tried to hide it with a cough but it didn't work. Kaalani looks at me and smiles. Maybe she has changed.
"This is Lucas," Kaalani explains, pointing at a little boy sitting in the SACC ROOM (school-age child care).
"Hi" A small quiet voice calls out.
"Hi!" I say walking towards Lucas.
"Who are you?" Lucas asks. He covers his mouth, I notice a small tiny bark come out of him. He giggles like it's not a big deal. I wish I thought of it that way.
"Guess what? I bark too!" I exclaim. His jaw drops.
"Yay! We can be barking buddies!" He screams standing up dancing around the room.
I believe that everyone should love themselves just the way they are. Because you are different and always will be.
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