I want him. I want him desperatly. But not how I have ever wanted somebody. I don't want him like I wanted you. I don't per say NEED him. It is more a yearning, a longing within me.
It's an itch beneath my skin that just won't go away. I won't scratch it for the consequences that might come but it would be so easy to just give in. Nearly driving me into madness.
It's a malicious thought in the back of my head constantly following me. A shadow hovering over my shoulder. I feel the cold it radiates, it makes me shiver.
How can one be so obsessed with someone they don't love, for I certainly do not love him. have known something similar to it with you.
This is different.
It's evil and I know it. The uncertainty with you that once drove me into sadness is now the driving force to this... something. I knew all with you and know I know nothing. And it is exactly that. The things I don't know is what irks me. What makes me so foolishly curious.
I don't know if I am capable of having such control over him.
I don't know what would happen if I were to pursue.
I don't know how that kiss would feel like and I don't know if deep down maybe he has the same yearning or at least attraction toward me that I feel for him.
It's those things, that Information I don't have that moves me more and more towards that vicious goal of mine, that my brain has come up with and takes over my every thought.
It is not a thing entirely of lust. Not solely is it to satisfy my pleasure but to see him weaken before me, see him vulnerable, see his lust. I want him to want me. I want him longing, desperatly if must.
I say to myself that it will not happen, that it cannot. Still unconsciously my every conduct is tainted with that thing that fills me. I find myself aiding the purpose more than I am willing.
Maybe I have already crossed the line. I don't see a way of undoing what I have already done. I cannot undo the engraving bestowed upon me.
It should have stopped with the first thought, with the first idea . It didn't and now I am lost. The more I twist in the vipers grip, the tighter it closes around my throat.But always I think, there is a possibility, there is a way. I can if I want. That power is within me if I try
Venom within my blood. A thirst for what I cannot have.
