Scars Never Fade - Ziall

one

My name is Niall Horan, I'm in the worlds biggest boyband but there is more to me than what meets the eye.

**

You see me on stage, in interviews, twitcams and photos, but you never stop and think just what might be happening in my life, what it's like to be used and hated, everyday just because you are doing what you love.

Right now the boys and I are on our way to an interview, the car is silent, nobody dares to speak. Im scrolling through my mentions on twitter, nearly every single one is hate, how I'm too ugly or deserve to die, but why? What is your reason for this hate? You don't know me so how can you judge me?

See, this is what I truly do not understand about the human race. How someone can go from being, nice and friendly, to just plain out rude and frankly disgusting. And this is why I don't trust anyone and everyone, don't speak to anyone and everyone, because of some people, I can't trust and I can't love like any other person, but I want to. I want to be normal, be able to trust and love, but I can't. And that's only one of the reasons I hate myself.

"Nialler we're here" Liam says gently to me, knocking me out of my daydream.

"Fine, I'm coming" I say, locking my phone and looking up to see the boys have already gone inside. I sigh and shove my hands into my pockets. Liam walks off inside and I follow closely behind.

The boys and I haven't been quite right lately, kinda feels like we're drifting apart. Liam leads me down what seem to be never ending corridors and into a small room. Suddenly I am swarmed by the makeup and hair artists, crowding around me, trying to make me look 'perfect', something which I will never be. I sigh quietly before sitting down in a chair and leaving the people to do whatever they do.

The boys haven't said a word to me since I got here, not one word. All four of them are sitting on the sofas, having their own little conversation without me.

"All done" Lou says, I hop off the chair and walk straight into the bathroom.

"Where you going Niall?" Zayn asks me, "Just to the loo" I say quietly, not even bothering to turn round.

When I reach the room I turn around, lock the door and walk straight over to the mirror.

"Niall look at yourself, that disgusting bleached hair, dull boring blue eyes, no wonder people call you ugly, I mean it is true"

There we go again. That was my brain talking to me then, making me feel even more horrible than before.

I sigh, sliding down the wall, resting my head in my hands.

I pull up my sleeve with shaky hands only to reveal the scars. Oh these scars, filled with so many memories, some old and some very fresh. I run my shaky fingers over them, feeling how rough they are. "It's disgusting what you do to yourself, ruining your body like this, but no one cares so it doesn't really matter, you're weak Niall, weak, no one will ever want you." ugh shut up brain, I know okay? You don't have to remind me of these things.

"Niall? Niall, it's time to go on stage now" Zayn calls from the other side of the door.

I stand up and tug down my sleeve, taking in a shaky breath I walk over and out of the door. I notice that it is only Zayn here, the others have left again, great. "Okay, let's go" I say to Zayn before I start walking out to backstage.

**

So here we are, all sitting squished onto one sofa, again. Time for another typical interview with another sly interviewer. I'm sitting next to Zayn because we were the last to arrive, but I don't mind, he's my favourite out of all the boys, we are the closest and he just understands me best.

I didn't even realize we had started the interview until I was snapped out of my daze by the interviewer, who had asked me a question.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?" I say as politely as I can.

"I can see you're not concentrating, got anyone on your mind?" He says with a smirk.

Who does he think he is? His ego is out the roof.

"No actually, I don't." I say bluntly.

Hah. In your face. That'll teach you.

"Oh um well, Harry, got your eyes on a girl?" He asks, "No not really, but if one comes along I may ask her on a date" he replies with his signature smirk.

"Haha, what about you Zayn?"

"I've got my eye on someone, but a gentlemen never tells" he replies with his perfect smile. Ugh damn that smile, and his perfect teeth. My teeth are horrible and look disgusting with these stupid braces on, another reason why I hate myself.

After that I zoned out, went off in my own world for the rest, until Zayn pulled me off the couch and out to backstage when we finished.

"What is up with you? You just zoned out for the whole interview" Zayn questions me. "Hm, just not feeling too good today, that's all" I simply reply. "Well just some sleep tonight mate" He tells me, "I will" I say, then start walking out into the van.

All the boys follow but none speak to me, apart from Zayn. I don't get why Louis and Harry don't speak to me anymore, I mean I haven't done anything to them to make them hate me, maybe they are too caught up in eachother to notice me. Or maybe they don't even care about me anymore, that's understandable.

**

Once again the journey home was silent and somewhat awkward.

When we got back to the house, Zayn muttered a quick goodnight to me and rushed off to his room, I then walked into my room and got straight into bed, not caring about my clothes, well, goodnight brain.