And the obsession went spiraling out of control...
I saw something beautiful. It was something that I had never seen before.
It glittered like starlight. It sparkled like the sun. It was so pretty and I wanted it for my own, but it did not belong to me. I was okay with that fact, for the time being, I was fine.
I was so curious after my encounter, I wanted to at least learn more about it. So I started doing some research on this wonderful thing I discovered.
I found that others had seen it too, and they were just as fascinated by it as I was. They had already made so many other beautiful things to commemorate what had been found.
At first it excited me a great deal. There were others who shared my passion! I could discuss it for hours on end. They could help me discover more! I researched and researched all I could.
But in my findings, I realized how many others had come before me. If this had not belonged to me before, it most certainly did not now.
My excitement faded away and was replaced with jealousy. If only I had been first! If only I was the only one who knew. If only it belonged to me. If there were no rivals then it would be mine.
And I was no longer content that it did not belong to me.
So I dug deeper. I wanted to know everything about it, down to the last detail. I wanted to know its strengths and weaknesses, its triumphs and failures, its perfections and flaws. I wanted to know everything.
It was in this moment that I lost myself completely, and the obsession went spiraling out of control.
It became my everything. The very core to my being.
I practically breathed for it, lived for it, and was willing to die for it. It consumed my thoughts. It was present in my actions. I even dreamed of it at night.
I hardly slept. I barely ate. Every moment I spent chasing after it.
I found purpose in its existence and paid hardly a mind to my own.
I not only wanted more, I needed more. I needed it to breathe. I needed it to make my heart beat.
But deep inside I knew. I knew it was slowly killing me.
I woke up one day and looked at myself in the mirror. It was in that moment I knew something was wrong. When did I get those shadows? How did I become so thin? What happened to me?
I realized then what I had been doing to myself.
What did it matter anyways? Why was it so important to me?
The answer I feared came quickly. It wasn't. It wasn't important to me. It never had been. All it was was an illusion I had created in my mind to make myself feel special. To feel needed. To feel wanted.
But I didn't need it, and it didn't need me. It didn't even want me.
So I let it go.
It broke my heart to leave it behind, but it hurt me more to hold on.
I let it go and felt the blissful freedom wash over me as my shackles broke.
