PARALYZED

why am i here?

2016

7th grade.

i walked into school with my head down hoping nobody would notice me or make fun of me.

that's what kids do best.

i walked into the bathroom and washed my hands.

when i came out i looked in the mirror and stared at myself.. i started believing everything that those bozo heads told me.

"too skinny"
"twig"
"weirdo"
"pussy"
"ugly"
"stupid"
"dyke"

suddenly a girl walked by me.

"hey madie look i have the same shoes as you!!"

i had no idea who this girl was but she looked interesting.

later in class we were reading about WWII.

i received a note from the dumb fucking cunt from my bus.

note:
no matter how hard you try you will always be the weirdest thing alive! everyone is embarrassed of you anyways.

haha.
-
i crumpled it up and put it in my pocket.

"madie would you like to read the next chapter?"

i looked around and noticed everybody staring at me.
the boy rudy koop was laughing at me.

"fine."

i tried my best to read what i could but i was struggling to read the word's because in my eyes everything was going blurry and all i could hear were the kids laughing at me..

"SHE CANT EVEN READ" a girl named chloe said.

everyone laughed.

[lunch]

i do actually have one friend and her name is leann johnson. she's quote on quote "weird" too i guess but i never saw her like that, i've always seen her as an outcast and she always manages to make me laugh.

"hey leann" i said.

"here come sit down let's take some selfies!!"

*actual pictures from that day*

"cute!!" she said.

"yeah i hope we go viral." i replied.

we both laughed at that.

-
after school.

i walked to go get on my bus.. rudy and his gang were waiting with me along with the rest of the kids that rode my bus.

"hey weirdo!" his brother said as he pushed me to the ground.

i fell right in front of the bus and in an instant i got up and ran out of the way.

"better watch where you're going weirdo."

i clenched my fists and quickly got overheated.

i got on the bus and sat down by myself and put my earbuds in.

i got a text from my dad.

dad: where are you guys at?

me: soviet union

-
my older sister came and sat behind me.

she was never really there though ever throughout my whole life, she's always had other shit to worry about but those russian boys always picked on her too.

they picked on everyone on the bus because they ruled it.