Mama's Song

AFG Sebastian Stan Bingo: Bucky Barnes

All Caps Bingo: B2 - Sarah Rogers

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The winter he turned eight, had been long and bleak. Steve was disappointed that he didn't get to see Bucky as much as he usually did. It was okay though, because he was needed at home. He blew into his hands, rubbing them together to rid the chill as best he could. Then he wrapped his coat tighter around him and tucked his feet under the small blanket he always had with him. Steve used to think it made him weak or something to carry it around, but Bucky said no one is weak for needing comfort. It was something Steve needed to hear, and his best friend knew that. With a sigh, his eyes flickered over the seemingly endless sea of white. He really missed his best friend.

At the sound of a cough, he turned away from the window and moved over toward the bed. Little hands tucked the quilt tighter around his mama, not wanting her to get cold.

Two years ago, his mama had gotten sick and a year ago, she was bedridden. His papa, Joseph, said he was going out hunting and just never came back. It was fine and while Steve was upset at his papa leaving him, he knew he could look after his mama. Being man of the house at the age of six had been hard but now at the age of eight, he had everything down pat.

Another cough brought him out of his thoughts, his blue eyes settling on his mama. "Mama?" he whispered.

Her eyes fluttered open, slowly, and it took a lot out of her to do so. "Hello, my shooting star." Her voice was hoarse, and he quickly helped her drink some water. "How is Bucky? Did Joseph come back with dinner?"

That was another thing that made Steve's heart ache. His mama was losing her memory. The books in their small little nook didn't help him get any answers and when the doctor was able to come last fall, he had no idea why she was forgetting things.

Still, Steve put on a brave face and spoke softly. "Bucky went on a trip with his family, mama. He'll come see me at the end of winter." He wanted to stop there but as she always did, his mama asked again about Joseph. Steve stopped calling him dad the moment he abandoned them.

"He left us, mama." He kept his voice gentle and watched her closely. He had learned quickly that she never took it well. "He's been gone for over a year."

Her face shuttered and she turned her head to look out the window. "I'm tired, Stevie."

Steve nodded and stood up. He placed a kiss on her forehead and checked once more to be sure she was warm, comfortable and tucked the quilt tighter around her. It was something he did multiple times a day. He may have been able to do the cleaning, cooking and mending but repair was harder. The snow had been too thick and deep for him to wade out and fix a small loose board in the roof.

"Sleep, mama."

Sarah hummed softly, her eyes fluttering shut. "Would you sing for me, my shooting star?"

With a thick swallow, his throat clicking with emotion, Steve inhaled sharply. "Sure, mama. What song?"

"My song, please?"

A nod, that she could not see, was his response before he settled on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his.

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"Close your tired eyes, relax, and then
Count from one to ten and open them
All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down
But not this time..."

"Way up in the air, you're finally free
And you can stay up there right next to me
All this gravity will try to pull you down
But not this time..."

"When the sun goes down and the lights burn out
Then it's time for you to shine
Brighter than a shooting star
So shine no matter where you are
Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light
'Cause it's time for you to shine
Brighter than a shooting star
So shine no matter where you are tonight..."

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Steve's breath hitched, his eyes welling with tears. When he was barely even two, his mama had written the song just for him. She had always said he was the answer to her greatest wish. He was her shooting star and he thought back to his seventh birthday, the last one before his mama began to forget things. They had been curled up in the living room and watched the starry sky twinkle with a thousand lights.

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"Make a wish, Stevie. Wish on a shooting star," she had whispered to him as though it was a secret just for them.

He had waited and as soon as he saw the star shoot across the sky, he closed his eyes and wished.

"Did you make a wish?"

"Yes, mama."

She smiled and kissed his forehead, her arm around him as she pulled him closer to her side. He snuggled against her side as he thought about his wish. 

'I wish for mama to get better and for her to be truly happy again.'

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A hand slipping into his, drew Steve from the memory and he kissed his mama's small frail hand. He sniffled softly and finished singing his mama's song.

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"Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh
Brighter than a shooting star
Shine no matter where you are..."

♫ ♫ ♫

His breath hitched again, the last word coming out in barely a whisper.

"Tonight."

The wind picked up outside their small home in the woods, and as her breathing evened out, Steve couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He just wanted her to get better and let him be a kid again. It made him feel guilty to have such thoughts and feelings, but he was only eight years old and had been so strong for two whole years. There were things he needed to clean, chores to do and food to cook but none of it mattered at the moment.

Blue eyes were glued to his mama's sleeping face. Only in her sleep did she look peaceful, and only then could he forget, for just a little while, that nothing was the same as it had been two years ago. It was always quiet, too quiet, but as sad as he was, he was grateful that she was still alive, and he still had a mama. The day when he wouldn't have his mama anymore, was terrifying to think about. So, he shoved all those sad thoughts aside and curled up next to her. Steve settled in a small ball against her side and shivered slightly as his breathing evened out.

He was so tired and that always seemed to be the case now. His eyes fluttered shut to the lullaby made just for him. The howling wind, the dripping faucet, the soft inhales, the sharp exhales and the beating of a heart full of love, the melody that lulled him to sleep.

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