This is my first book so please enjoy and leave feedback. Thanks so much!! Warning
This book may contain sensitive subjects for some readers. Disclaimer this book mentions...
* suicidal thoughts and actions
* underage drinking
* drug use
* mature content
If you are uncomfortable with any of these topics please do not read.
c h a r a c t e r a e s t h e t i c s
- Caramel
- fat and fluffy

-Hazel Grace
- 5"5"

- Kai Miller
- 6"2"

Credit goes @izzycore for helping me create the book cover and aesthetics. I did not create any of these only created a vision to guide her. I got my inspo from Pinterest I don't own any of these pictures. I hope you enjoy this book!
3 months before
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Suicide...
People say it's the easy way out, some may even say it's selfish to take your own life. But why? Why is ot so selfish? That's what everyone wants to know is why would some one leave this world in such a way. The truth, is well no one knows why. People have their reasons to take their own life. After a certain point there is no chance of saving them, they made up their mind. That's what happened to my best friend. I tried, I tried so hard, but i lost her too. I want go back in time to save her, protect her from the cruel world. We used to protect eachother and now no one is protecting me. I should have seen it sooner, she was to busy worrying about me, I should have payed more attention. I should have seen the signs. It's my fault. It's all my fault.
Im snapped out of thought as my mother comes into my veiw and stands beside my bed.
"Hazel... honey, come on you have to get up. I'm worried about you. Hun her... her funeral is today. " My mom says with so much kindness it almost sounds fake.
Her Funeral. Those words were a stab to my heart, she's gone.Dead. She's dead.
Realization hits me like a truck that I lost the most important person in the whole world. I was in denial hoping it was a bad dream that none of this was real, that she wasn't actually dead.
I stared at the ceiling not answering my mother barley blinking. She starts to speak but closes her mouth and walks out of my room. As my door closes I let put a breath ,and grab my phone of the night stand. I have alot of missed calls and texts.
But the only ones I care about are Kai's.
I want him to be okay. But how can I fix him too, when I'm still broken.
Its been a week since it happened and i haven't eaten, showered , brushed my teeth or hair. I am once again snapped out of thought when I hear my mother leave the house. Probably for the funeral. That I am not going to.
I take a deep breath and attempt to get my fat ass up. As I stand and start to walk out the door I stop in front of the mirror... I don't look like me.
I scan my body in the mirror, my once stalky and masculine like body was now nothing more than skin and bone. I scan my face and noticed my features are completely different, my cheekbones are hollowed out, my jawline more visible and dark bags under my eyes. My auburn colored hair is all matted, and my once bright eyes, now dull and almost colorless
What the hell happened to me.
I feel gross. I can feel my filth on me. I hate being dirty.
"Before I do anything else I'm taking a shower" I say to myself as I walk into the hallway I see my cat caramel.
I smile to myself as he brushes against my legs. Caramel starts to meow at my feet so i pick him up and bring him into the bathroom with me because if i leave him out here he will probably scratch at my door until I let him in anyway.
******
Showers always give me a sense of comfort.
The second I stepped out of the shower I instantly regretted it. The cold air hitting my body and making me shiver.
I wrap the soft towel around my body and walk to my room to get some fress clothes.
I walk over to my closet, and grab a light blue sweatshirt and a pair of leggings.
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So ik the first chapter is a little much. probably extremely cringe but im trying so if you have any feedback please let me know. Thanks so much!
