Royal Bastards Nikolai Lantsov x fem reader

Raised Royal

Nikolai

I grew up in the Grand Palace, surrounded by nobles and servants. Second in line to the Ravkan throne. Although my paternity was often doubted. My brother, Vasily, was the true prince, the king's favourite.

I was born just months before my best friend, y/n. Her mother died in childbirth, and her father in war just three years after.

We were raised together. She was treated as a princess, trained as an Inferni at the Little Palace, a soldier. Mother loved her. Everyone loved her. I left her. And I miss her everyday.

I was fourteen when I left the royal court to serve in the Kings Army. I wanted her to come with me, she wanted to come with me, but the Queen didn't approve.

I went from spending all my time with her, to seeing her maybe once a year. But when we were together, it was as if we were never apart. Until one year, I didn't see her at all. No one told me where she went, I don't think anyone knew.

So I left again. I went further this time, created a new identity, and became Sturmhond, a privateer of the True Sea. I lived that way for some time, created many allies and enemies. Met two half-Shu Heartrender twins, Tolya and Tamar, who became my right hand man and woman. They were with me as we faced the Darkling in the civil war, and I almost married Alina Starkov, Sankta Alina. They were there when I became king, after my brothers murder and my parents banishment.

Zoya Nazyalensky, Genya Safin and David Kostyk make up the Triumvirate of the Second Army. They've been with me since the war.

But not y/n. I don't even know if she's alive, saints, I hope she's alive.

"Nikolai. Nikolai?" Genya says louder as everyone enters my sitting room, as we do most nights.

"Welcome, busy days everyone?" I greet them as they take their seats.

"We have some important news, from Kerch. I expect Genya and I will have to leave tomorrow." Zoya informs me.

"Ok, but why?" I ask as she pours herself a drink.

"There's been sightings of the khergud, we need to get as many Grisha to safety as possible." Genya explains.

"We'll have to be discreet." Zoya states.

"Of course. Get in, do what you have to, get back." Tamar says from her place on the sofa with Nadia.

"Shouldn't take more than a week."

"Could I join you?" I suggest. "It's time I've had a holiday."

"Don't you have a country to run?" Nadia laughs.

"I trust you can deal while I'm gone."

"Fine, we'll fly to the coast tomorrow then take one of Sturmhonds ships and arrive in Ketterdam by the next day." Zoya explains.

"Better get a good nights sleep tonight then."

Of course none of us went to sleep before midnight. Instead we sat and talked and drank our respective drinks. And I wrote my daily letter.

Y/n,
I feel like I always need to write to you, if only I knew where to send all these letters.
I don't know if I will ever be able to give then to you. I'm not sure I'll want to. I just want to see you, to hold you in my arms, to know where you are, to know you're safe, to share every moment of my cursed life with you. To love you.
You would probably make fun of me for saying any of this, but it's true, I just want you, to come home.
My dearest y/n, I need you.
All my love is yours and yours alone,
Nikolai

"Writing another one are you, moi tsar?" Tolya asks from the doorway. "She will come back one day, you'll find each other." He reassures me, as he does everyday.

"I just want to know if she's alive, and safe. Is that too much to ask?" I plead as I seal yet another envelope to add to the pile.

"I just don't understand it." Zoya says as she enters the room with Genya and David.

"He loves her, it's quite beautiful." Tolya says.

"Not what I'm talking about but we all knew that already. Honestly Nikolai, you could have anyone in the world. Why her?" Zoya asks as she pours me a cup of tea.

"Why, jealous, Nazyalensky?" I joke, winking at my General.

"No. Even you aren't good enough for me." She states as she takes her seat at the table.

"I don't understand why you haven't gone and found her." David mumbles from his seat, not looking up from his book.

"If she wanted to come back she would." Genya says, squeezing her partners hand. "You remember what she was like, she just wanted to be in control of her own life, her own destiny. And I'm sure she's happy wherever she is, but she must miss us all. Especially me."

"I liked her." Zoya adds with a small smile. "She was a worthy rival. And very quick witted."

"She is amazing." Nikolai sighs.

"I'm sure she is, sometimes I think I know her, by how much you talk about her." Tamar laughs. "But we have some actual work to do tomorrow, sorry, so you should get to sleeping.

I did sleep, but it was plagued by dreams of y/n locked in a room, looking out the window to people below, people she would never be a part of. Like she was an outsider. I was in the room with her, but she couldn't see me, she couldn't hear me. She looked different, she wasn't a little girl in a fancy kefta anymore. She was a young woman in old, worn through clothes, her long hair pinned up, her bright eyes looking right through me. I tried to talk to her, to tell her how much I'd missed her. I reached out to touch her, I laid my hand on her shoulder, but as soon as we made contact it was gone, the image was smashed into a million pieces of glass, and I was awake.

Zoya and Genya were waiting for me at the docks, a crew was ready to take flight, and we did. It shouldn't take more than a few hours to get to Os Kervo.

When we got there we left the air craft for the ship, and we set sail for Ketterdam. As we traveled we tried to make a plan for our arrival and to keep my presence quiet, so I brought back Sturmhond. The next day we would be in a different country and we would have to be quick.