How Does It Feel?

It Feels Like This

He had to find her, that was for certain. She was his best friend and she hadn't once let him wallow in his own misery, he owed her at least this. Even if it meant breaking his own heart into pieces. Still, he resentfully thought, when did she start to like Ron? Was he really that blind to not see it? Regardless, he had to get to her.

"Hermione?" he asked softly, finally finding her huddled up in an empty classroom.

"What do you want, Harry?" his best friend tearfully replied.

That broke his heart even further. Not just because she was in tears, but because she liked Ron enough to cry over him. No matter, he thought, he was only here to comfort her.

"Just wanted to see what happened to you," said Harry easily as he came to sit beside her.

"It's nothing."

Harry weakly smiled before containing his surprise as she leant to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Before he could stop himself, he reached down and clasped their hands together. Any regret he had was immediately dashed as Hermione gripped his hand as if her life depended on it.

"We both know that's not true, 'Mione."

Hermione sniffled into his shoulder, further breaking Harry down mentally. The boy didn't know how, but he managed to contain his own tears at her plight and kept up his strong facade. Inwardly, he felt as if acid was burning its way through his chest.

"How does it feel, Harry?" Hermione finally asked to break Harry from his miserable thoughts.

Harry cocked his head in confusion and turned to look at Hermione. "How does what feel?" he asked.

"Don't play dumb, Harry," Hermione wiped her tears, "I see the way you look at her."

Who was she talking about? Harry asked mentally. Wait, did Hermione think he liked someone else? Oh this was beyond screwed, the boy painfully thought. She didn't even know how he felt about her. Probably for the best as it were. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it if she rejected him.

"Umm," Harry gulped, trying to find a way to not give his own confusion and feelings away, "it feels like this."

Hermione once again put her head on his shoulder while he reflexively wrapped his arms around her. He savored the moment of closeness, knowing that it would be all he would get from her. If Hermione truly did like Ron, then his battle was already lost. Now, he had to find a way to stay away from them both. It already killed him inside to see her pine over Ron, imagine how it would feel when they finally got together.

"Oh looks like this room has already been taken," someone said, interrupting Harry's ruminations.

Both Harry and Hermione whipped their heads around to see a giggling Lavender Brown clutching onto Ron. Harry reacted with mild surprise, Hermione, however, immediately drew her wand. Before Harry could stop her, the girl conjured a flock of pink canaries that set off to peck Ron. Harry let a smile across his face as Ron and Lavender retreated with haste.

"Feel better now?" Harry asked with a smile that just barely hid his pain.

Hermione nodded with a laugh of her own before settling back into his arms once more. Merlin, he didn't know how much more of this he could take. Some luck he had, the one girl that he knew for certain he liked was infatuated with another man. He must have been an absolute piece of shite in his past life for this one to be marred with a myriad of pain and sorrow, he thought wryly.

                                        ———
Life went on as normal for Harry after this ordeal. The boy threw himself into his work and training with Dumbledore in order to distract himself from his broken heart. It didn't work, but his avoidance of his best friends had proven dividends in mitigating his pain. Hermione noticed the distance because of course she would, but Harry had the good sense to lie to her and keep her at arm's length, telling her that he was consumed by his training with Dumbledore.

This all changed the night Ron was poisoned. Suddenly, Harry had to jump back into action and help his best mate to find an antidote. It was a rough night, all things considered, but Harry managed to get a bezoar for Ron and then take the boy down to the hospital wing.

Of course, Hermione spent all her time at Ron's bedside, clutching his hand and letting her tears fall. As if it were possible, Harry's already broken heart turned to ash. Then, as if it couldn't get even more painful, Ron moaned out for Hermione in his sleep, an event that put a prideful smile on Hermione's face. Harry watched as she gazed over Ron with visible adoration and forced himself to look away. He exited the room with haste, not caring for any questions or calls from his friends.

That was how Harry found himself under his favorite tree next to the Black Lake. He fidgeted around with a couple of pebbles before forcefully tossing them into the lake, not caring if he was disturbing the giant squid. Besides, it would hurt less if the squid came up to eat him, he thought.

"Hey, Harry," he heard a familiar voice greet from behind him.

"'Lo, Ginny," he replied without looking.

"I don't think throwing stones can mend a broken heart," Ginny sarcastically observed.

Harry turned back to her with mild surprise. Ginny was enigmatic, for sure, but she always surprised the boy with her observations and keen eye. Inwardly, he knew that she could see right through him. It would do him no good to lie to her.

"Nothing can mend that, but it does provide a nice distraction," Harry half-joked.

Ginny giggled at his joke, before coming to stand beside Harry.

"You know, Harry? What would be so bad about telling her how you feel?" she asked.

Harry chuckled sardonically. Ginny was far too idealistic and naive for her own good, he thought. There were so many consequences  to consider which meant telling Hermione his feelings was nothing less than an impossibility. Besides, she was hell bent on being with Ron, what would be the point.

"No point," Harry flatly answered.

Ginny shook her head and watched as Harry tossed his pebbles with a bit more force.

"Harry..." she started once more before stopping in her tracks when Harry turned to look at her.

"Look, Gin, I'm happy that you're trying to help. But I don't need help right now, I need a friend. Can you do that for me?" Harry gently asked with a weak smile.

The fiery redhead nodded with a smile of her own and settled next to Harry. Her own crush on Harry had long faded once she got to know the boy for real. It wasn't like Harry was unattractive, he was just not a match for her. Still, any girl would be lucky to have him, she thought. Too bad the one that had
him didn't even know she did.