Nightmares and Loneliness

A/N; This was a requested one-shot by my Twitter friend @amaaniharris This is set in Season 11, Stella is missing Kelly, and her nightmares are back. And she reaches out to Boden because we all love the father-and-daughter vibe that Boden and Stella have. basically, a heart-to-heart between the two. This was really hard for me to write, because I love happy Stellaride, especially right now with the heartbreaking absence of Kelly. But I did enjoy the Boden and Stella talk. Let me know what you think.

The day seemed to drag on, at least to Stella; it was one in the morning and everyone at the firehouse was asleep. She can't sleep again; this is day five of hardly any sleep. She hasn't had a peaceful sleep in over two weeks. She walks around the firehouse and looks at her 51 family members sleeping. She was happy they were safe and sound. She walks by Herrmann's office; he is sleeping but looks exhausted. She knows that Cindy's current condition is the reason for his exhaustion; she has been working at Molly's around the clock to help ease some of the pressure off him. She silently sends a prayer up for him and his family as they continue their battle.

She walks to the next office, and her heart hurts as she sees Cruz laying in her husband's bed in her husband's office. She loves Cruz like a brother, but she wants to pull him out of Kelly's office and tell him he doesn't belong there. She wants to block off his office from everyone; she wants to keep it the way he left it. But she's not selfish; she misses him, and it's slowly killing her. But Cruz is doing a great job as a stand-in Lieutenant; she is so damn proud of him, and she knows Kelly is too.

She sighed softly as she continued her walk through the quiet firehouse. She walks through the locker room, where she can see Kelly shirtless and smiling, laughing with the guys about something crazy. She closes her eyes as she has a little flashback to them having sex in the shower countless times over the years they showered together. If he were here right now, she would text him and say, "Meet me in the shower." The best time to have alone time in the firehouse was when everyone was sleeping. She opens her eyes and slowly walks to his locker. She knows his combination. She opens his locker; his shampoo, deodorant, comb, and cologne were sitting there. She opens the deodorant and smells it; she misses the way he smelled. She then sprays his cologne and inhales it. Her eyes get misty-eyed, so she closes the locker; she doesn't want to break now. Not at the firehouse; she saves her breakdowns for home when she's completely alone.

She slips her hands into her pockets and walks out of the locker room. She walked through every room, seeing him everywhere. He's all over this firehouse. She smiles as she tries to think of a place they haven't made out. She walks back to her office and sits down. She secretly prays that the bells go off. It's now two in the morning, and she is still wide awake. She can't go to sleep; she knows once she closes her eyes she is back in that house, just as the explosion happens. She can't have any nightmares here; her 51 family doesn't need to know about her nightmares. Yes, Carver does know about her nightmares, but she told him they subsided. Which isn't a lie; they just recently started coming back. And she's not even sure what brought them on again. Which has her puzzled.

She cleaned her office to pass the time, got her paperwork done, and made an agenda for her next girls on fire class. She did an equipment check and a truck check. It's now five a.m., and she walks around outside the firehouse, enjoying the cool night breeze. She makes a plan for some drills for the next shift.

"Lieutenant, why are you up so early?" Cruz asked as he noticed her standing outside the window.

"I've been getting up early a lot here lately. Why are you up?" She asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Chloe just called; she had a nightmare; she needed to make sure I was okay." He tells her as he rubs the back of his head.

Stella gave him a small smile. "That's sweet."